There's this girl that I like

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
There's this girl that I like and I've gone on a few dates with her and I e-mail her everyday...but then when I go to see her sometimes, like at work, she acts different and she doesn't seem to want to talk to me as much. I e-mailed her about this situation and she told me that she was sexually abused by a friend's grandfather four years ago, so she says that's why she's acting like this and that she's tough to get close to the guys. So I was planning to e-mail her and tell her to move on. What should I do? Should I tell her to move on? I know I should remain friends with her and build our friendship before going out together...but should I even go out with her at all even if she is still hurt from the past? How would I get her to recover from the past? Please, please, please help me with this one...this girl is important to me! Thank you very much, I appreciate it. Advice
I don't think you should dump this girl just because she has been sexually abused in the past. What would that say about you? I think that you should keep her past in mind and try to help her heal from it rather than just tell her forget it, you're not interested anymore.

She needs to seek professional help to get over the hurt that has been done to her. They will have the right answers for her that you won't. A book you can get her is "Courage to Heal" which is pretty hefty but it's great for survivors of sexual abuse.

If you want a closer relationship with her, then you should become closer friends with her. Do things with her, take your time getting to know her and keep it all hands-off unless she initiates it. And only go as far as she does, don't press her for more. If she has the power of how fast it's going, then she will be a lot happier to do it. If she's pressed into it, it'll trigger all sorts of fears, and you don't want that.

Good luck!


-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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