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Break a vase, and the love that reassembles the fragments is stronger than that love which took its symmetry for granted when it was whole. -- Derek Walcott



I have realized that i can't live without him



Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I am 20yrs. old.I have been friends with this guy for 2 years now and we are BEST friends. We both support each other's dreams and encourage each other to be all we can be. He tells everyone he meets about me and I do the same with him. We are both very attracted to each other and we have kissed many times before and we kiss every time we see each other.The only problem is..we live 3 hours apart, but we have talked every night for the past 2 years and we see each other as often as we can. We have never dated each other, we act like we are a couple...but it has never been official. However, he has dated other girls and i have dated other guys during this time because we both were content with being friends that kiss. Well, over the past months I have fallen in love with him. I have realized that i can't live without him, and 2 weeks ago he told me that he couldn't live without me either but he didn't think he was in love with me. I will not allow myself to date anyone else...but he is still showing interest in other girls...I have told him EXACTLY how i feel about him and he said he is "scared of dating me because he doesn't want to break up with me and loose my friendship" but i assured him that we would not break up...Lately he has been acting "stand-offish"; it feels like he isn't as "open" with me like he used to be, but i think it is just stress and lack of good sleep...we are both going to the same college and it seems like everything will work out perfectly...but my question is --is he using me for the kisses, is he scared of getting in a relationship with me, or does he honestly not like me at all in a "girlfriend" way? I don't know what to do anymore. I love him with all my heart and it kills me to see him with someone else or to hear him talk about how he met some girl and he thinks he REALLY likes her. Should i stop kissing him(which would be very hard to do because it is our way of saying "Hi" when we do get to see each other), do you think i should stop calling him?? I am confused on how to act, I just want a chance to show him that i could be his everything..please give your advice
Linda in DC




RomanceClass.com Advice
If you are going to be in the same college (I guess in September?) then I would wait to make any kind of decision until then. Keep kissing him, keep listening to him rattle on about some new girl he likes, and keep dating other guys so that you aren't so hyperfocused on this one.

When you are both in the same place, then you can really explore whether you're right for each other or whether it's best for you to be just friends. But I don't buy the idea that if you were to date then break up that you would lose the friendship. It's too deep for that. Plenty of people manage to remain friends afterwards, it's just a matter of communication and keeping the open honesty that you have now.

Good luck!



-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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