Should I wait to give it another chance ?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Ok this is a tough one. About two months ago my ex and I seperated for the second time in our 6 years together. I was one that started this time because I was tired of the way he was treating me. We go through phases where we are hot and the relationship is wonderful and then we are cold and try to spend more time away from each other. Two days into the break up I tried to work things out and he told me that he was not sure what he wanted and that he wanted to stay apart. I tried to convince him he was wrong and even cried several times and I think I only pushed him away even more. A lot has happened in the past two months including him kissing another girl but I was still willing to forgive him. The last time we talked we decided that we would have no contact until September at that time he will call me and we will see what happens. I really love him and I know he still loves me but I feel that he may find someone else. I know he needs his time to find out what he wants but the thought of him with another girl makes me sick.
My family thinks I am crazy and my friends all want me to move on and forget about him but I believe that there is still a chance. What should I do. Should I wait until September to give it another chance or should I move on and try to find someone else? At times I know that he is confident about us because he says things like: He is not worried if I find someone else because he knows what we have and no one can come between that. Other times he tells me if we get back things will be different. I am so confused. I really could use a lot of help here.
Six years is a long time and of course it's hard to think of being apart. What you need to do is list out all the reasons for and against this relationship and see whether you actually are better together or apart. Perhaps go to some counselling sessions where they can give a clear view of the situation and help you work through what to do. But it makes no sense to wait around and get back into something that really isn't working. You mentioned in your first email that you want a family/house and he's not willing yet to buy into that future. You really need to have a fully committed partner for your dreams, not someone who will break off at the slightest pressure.
If you find that he really is the one, then I would suggest you let him know that you don't want to wait until September. Find out the real reason that he's asking for this break --- is it that he wants to regain some of that "single freedom" that he's been missing for 6 years? Is it that he wants out of the pressures of a relationship or that he wants to try to start a new relationship with someone else? These things are key to knowing what direction your relationship with him will take.
Good luck with this!
-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com