He's Refusing to Talk, It's Hurting our Relationship
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I am with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and for almost 6 month now I am trying to get him to talk about our differences and issues but the more I am trying to get him to talk the more he pulls back. I don't know what to do because it is bothering me and our problems is not going away. And now our sex life starts to suffer as well. What should I do?
First, kudos to you for trying to talk about the problems instead of just ignoring them. As you know, problems never vanish on their own, they just fester and get worse. The only way to find solutions is to both talk about them and work out a solution together. But that involves two people.
Definitely, your relationship will suffer, your sex life will suffer, your happiness will suffer until you manage to resolve this.
So now, how to get him to talk. A lot of guys are brought up with the 'strong silent type' image of a man in mind. They must never show emotion or weakness, they must just bear the pain. This of course is pretty unhealthy and leads to relationship destruction! So you need to show him that talking isn't "weak" - that it's *strong* because it's a difficult thing to do. It's facing an issue instead of just avoiding it.
Here, I just put together a 'how to talk about difficult issues' how to -
Read through that and give it a try. You need to talk, but it takes two to talk together. Do your very best to set up an environment where he's comfortable talking and does so. But in the end, he has to open his mouth. Good luck!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com