I need to know from an outside opinion if I am on a sinking ship?
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Is my relationship in trouble?
Hi, I have read a couple of q/a on "is my girlfriend cheating on me?" and found it kinda useful, but now I need to know from an outside opinion if I am on a sinking ship?
My girlfriend (18) and me (20) have been going out for 7 months now. Things were excellent for about the first 6 months.
At month 6, she had a "dance" that she was going to and I had been invited 3 months before.
Basically she phrased this question to me: " Look, would you mind if I took someone else to the dance?" The guy's name was Craig. I said I would like to go & asked her why she didn't want to take me anymore, her answer was that I didn't know anyone there and she was worried I was going to get bored, and also this POOR single guy who has trouble finding a girlfriend wanted to go (he wasn't even invited or allowed to go?) and he could meet a girlfriend at the dance.
I was shocked, I told her I want to go with her. I also asked why this guy wouldn't be bored considering he didn't know anyone either??? I can't remember exactly, but via a short guilt trip and her "YOU DON'T TRUST ME" speech, I said fine take him with you and enjoy yourself.
My girlfriend said that although she was taking this guy to the dance, I could come to the after-party (She does not drive, I would be the chauffer to her and this guy to the after party). She told me later (4 days before this dance) that I was too old to go?
I asked her why I was too old to go to the dance but could go to the after party?
She became very pissed at me.
Then before the dance, I helped her set up stuff in some hall and drove her around.
I went to the after party, the guy seemed quite decent and "good-intentioned" though only hung around with us?
This is one of those devoted moments, breathe... My girlfriend was coming up to her mid-term exams and she wanted to go partying before they got too close. She wanted to go out one Wednesday night and this is normally off her schedule (i.e. impossible)? So I received a phone call, and I explained that I couldn't go out, I had work to do... She then laid out a speech of how "THIS IS MY LAST NIGHT OUT, NOW NO-ONE CAN TAKE ME". Her mother had gone out earlier and guess what, I was now chauffer! HOORAY. The time is now 10pm, I drove to her house under duress but out of devotion. I arrived at 10:25pm She proceeded to apologize because her mother had arrived home and basically she wasted my time, she made me coffee.
I said that I was already there, so I may as well take her. The drive was another 15 minutes, I dropped her off at the club and I went home. I arrived home and realized she left her house keys under her seat? I phoned her. I told, her I had her keys and when her lift takes her home from the club, her mom could let her in and I would give her keys next time I saw her. I told her to phone me if she had any problems. I received a call from her at 1am asking if I could drop the keys back at the club.... A forty minute drive... I told her to phone her mom or I would phone her mom to let her in. I waited till 1:55 am when she called and told me she had fought on the phone with her mom. She told me she was going to be ready at 2:30 am. UHUH, I drove out and arrived at 2:45am she apologized profusely & started to use the words "I love you". She then told me she was going to stay at the club longer and I didn't have to take her, so I could just go "straight home". I did.
Problem #2 (behind the scenes).
Well, I guess guilt had made this one burn out of my girlfriend, but she basically explained to me that while she was at the club with her friends, her friend (female) had found someone (person a) and that's why she was staying behind. She then told me that while some guy (person a) was getting it on with her friend she was stuck with nothing to do so she got to chatting to (person b)a friend of the lucky guy (person a). The story I got is that the music was quite loud and to hear each other my girlfriend and person b were shouting into each other's ears, then apparently he pretended he was going to say something to her and just pulled in and started kissing my girlfriend.
I asked my girlfriend?> What the hell? She apologized profusely. I then realized that she didn't really have to tell me that, I guessed that it had been eating her inside, though I respect her for telling me and would rather be in the know (even though ignorance is bliss).
Problem #3 (last weekend)
My girlfriend took me to a friend of her's party and basically (the short and sweet) I became the chauffer and she almost immediately ditched me to be with her female friends. I sat with a friend of mine and just got mildly drunk. My girlfriend came and sat on my lap half drunk after ignoring my existence the whole night and looking quite proud she said "I love you". I looked back at her and said "Show me then". (I said it in a tone to instill the idea of really?, do you love me?)
We seem to be on a level plain right now, I haven't seen her for a couple of days and she's writing preliminary final exams quite soon.
I've given you the soul-wrenching moments of my relationship with the girl that I adore.
Though it may be negative I could see myself getting old with her and when she's acting normal she kicks ass to hang around with, but I feel like I do all the work in this relationship. I am Mr. Nice guy, no I'm not in touch with my feminine side, but I believe in chivalry. I would like a female perspective on this? Am I taking crazy pills? Am I reading too much into things? HELP
It sounds to me like your girlfriend really wanted to go out partying before finals, and needed your car to do so. So she did use you, as you figured. But it sounds to me like it's more just a matter of her being momentarily selfish and not manipulative or evil. You say she's wonderful in so many other ways, so the question you have for yourself is whether this is a dealbreaker for you or whether you can work with her to change this behavior. You've given three examples from a short timespan where she was kinda wacky. I'd give it more time to see if this is a repeating pattern after finals or if she was just overstressed and frazzled.
Don't give up hope. I think this can still succeed.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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