She had a boyfriend before whom she was almost getting married too.

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Hi I am 24 year old male and my fiance, she is 22. We have been dating for almost one and half years now and we have been engaged for almost 6 months now. She is a very loving and caring girl. We shared our past lives and we accepted eachother for what we were. She had a boyfriend before whom she was almost getting married too. When we first started dating she told me that everything is over and there needs to be no discussion about it. I listened to everything she had to say and I asked her out and we were fine for a while. Right after we engaged she started acting strange and eventually broke out by saying how she was depressed that it was supposed to be her ex that was to be engaged with her and now what it has come to is her and me, and she called him up to find out how he (her ex) was doing and everything. I didnt like it and told her to refrain from all sort of communication with her ex, first because it'll hurt her more and it'll end up hurting our own relationship. She agreed. But she still tried to call him and talked with him 3-4 times. Later one fine day after a lot of heated argument she agreed and promised to never call him up. Things were running fine till last night I went over to her msn messenger where her ex was added but blocked, we had our passwords and I didnt hack in or anything. Just out of curiosity I added the guy back in and immediately he messaged me and asked me when I was leaving for our home country. I was a bit shocked because there's no way on earth he'ld have known that she is going for a vacation to our home country. I played around a bit acting as her and eventually found out it was her who told him about it. I called her up right away and emailed her the conversation. She tried defending herself a bit then she just turned around blaming how she trusted me with my password and I abused it to get information.

I am very confused now. Is it me who overdid it? Is it me who abused her password? I mean we always shared all our secret information before. She wouldnt even let me stay on the phone long enough with her so I could ask her why she did what she did. She even mentioned all of a sudden that she couldnt live with me anymore when i'ld accuse her of her actions. I know a fiance should start practicing the whole faithfulness right after he/she gets engaged. Am I wrong? or is she? What should I do? I am confused.

Eternally confused Advice
She needs therapy to get over her old relationship. She obviously still has feelings for this guy, and while they're not strong enough to break up your relationship and very well may simply be conversation, she has to come to terms with the fact that her future will not be with this other guy but with you. It's a hard thing to get past, so give her a little slack, but be aware that this is a tough thing for her to do and she'll need your support and understanding as she gets past it. But she obviously isn't doing it on her own and she will need to see a counsellor who is equipped to handle this situation better than you or I can.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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