I Like Her - She Has a Boyfriend
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Well I have this dilema Ive been trying to figure out for quite some time now. Here is the situation in a nut shell.
Im 21 and shes 23. We go to the same university and share alot of classes together, thats how we first met. Ive first talked to her a year and a half ago. Wasnt much really, I didnt even find her to be that attractive. But the start of 2003 fall semester we became friends, not close friends though. Not as if I hang out with her, and Ill tell you why I dont. She has a boyfriend. Yep, this is about the 5th girl in a row that I found out has a boyfriend, but the 4 other girls before her I didnt think twice about it and left them alone. But not this one, almost makes me feel foolish.
I somehow became more attracted to her, maybe her attitude and traits she exhibited to me while on campus. I believe she trusts me alot, she gave me her number (I didnt ask for it), asks for advice as well. She is a shy girl, not a beer guzzling girl gone wild girl. But she definently has the body and she is pretty. In class sometimes she comes over to me to ask me something and she literally leans on me.
When her birthday was coming up she told me atleast 3 times on seperate days when it wud be. I didnt want to make it seem like I was trying to hit on her, since she does ahve a bf. So I just bought her a teddy bear (actually a rabbit not a bear, but thats beside the point). I gave her the gift and she said "That's so sweet." Wasnt expecting much more than what her response was.
So why am I even thinking that I have a chance? She's told me before that she's been with her bf for 4 years now and that he acts like its nothing. Not knowing what exactly to say to her as a response, I just told her that "if he loves thats what matters." She said, "i know" with a sort of depressed voice. She's called him asshole in several occasions but I think girls call their bf alot of names when they are pissed off at each other. I dont know much about her bf except that he smokes, likes the mets and giants, drives a mercedes suv, and has good taste for women.
So I waited through the fall and spring semester wondering if she is gonna lave him or what. I finally convinced myself that she probably wont leave him, atleats not yet if at all. But now I have summer classes with her, and she said something to me that made me reconsider.
Now that the scenario is laid down, heres my problem. A few days after I decided not to continue my chase afetr her and hope she dumps her bf, she talked to me. While I was walking her to her car like I always do after class and she normally gives me a ride to my car. She asked if I wanted to get a job with her, working together. We wud have to go thru some training but we wud wud together directly. I said sure, at this point I was more intrested in the money she mentioned than her cuz I still thought I had no possible chance of getting this girl. So she called her best friend who set an appointment up for the two of us.
She has other friends, Im sure of it....so why did she ask me? Like I said before we arent close friends.
It sounds like she does like you as a friend, but she is sticking with her boyfriend. Believe me, if someone is really upset with their boyfriend and has a guy they are very interested in locally, they would just break up. So she is deliberately choosing to stay with her boyfriend. You need to accept that. Friends offer each other jobs all the time, and you can be happy that she likes you as a friend. But don't put your life on hold waiting for her to be a romantic partner.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com