I have been dating this guy from another country almost a year
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I read some of the questions asked by others. And there's a recent on about two different cultures, but my question is different. I have been dating this guy from another country almost a year and we live together. He's very Americanized. Things have been going very smoothly. I know that I love him and couldn't hold it in any longer. So one night I told him, not expecting anything in return. It was very simply stated and then I gave him a hug and went to sleep. Since he only smiled I thought it was okay that I had expressed my feelings for him. A couple of weeks later, there was a romantic moment (not sexual) and I smiled at him and said I was so happy to be with him and that I loved him. Apparently, he felt pressured to reciprocate because he looked me in the eye and said I think Americans overuse that word. I was shocked and hurt.
I am an adult and I can recognize my emotions when I feel them. I didn't expect him to say "I love you" back only to take my words as an expression of my feelings for him. But now I feel like a child who's been reprimanded. I still love him, but I feel that it was condescending and I don't know how or if I should broach the subject again. I could really some good advice.
>I still love him, but I feel that it was condescending
>and I don't know how or if I should broach the subject
>again. I could really some good advice.
Different cultures do handle things differently, and it's universal that if one person says "I love you" then the other person is put on the spot. It's very rare that they both say it at the same time. But, that doesn't help your situation any.
I can understand why you feel the way you do. And I would react the same way. It's important that you have open communication and that you can feel you can share anything with him without feeling miserable at the end. See if you can tell him this without him closing up. Can you talk with him about what he's feeling, without commenting on your own feelings? Does he show you in other ways that he cares for you? Can you live with him not telling you out loud? Ask him some time what love means to him. Find out where his head is and maybe he'll realize that he does in fact love you (according to the "American" version) and vice versa. Get him to understand that you are not cheapening the relationship when you share your feelings with him, and maybe he'll be nicer about hearing it in the future.
I wish you the best.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com