when we first met he was seriously after me
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I'm a 25 year old female and have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now.
we both work for the same company and up untill last month we were working in the same team.
when we first met he was seriously after me and did so much to have the chance to be with me. I was the centre of his world. He wanted to be with me 24-7 and constantly rang me. He knows that i am extemely attractive and wanted to spend every minute of his day with me so no-one else will have the chance to try to be with me. He also loved being with me. Being with me made him extremely happy.
At that time I thought he will never get sick of me or even look at another girl.
After a while I started to accusing him of looking at other females at work, I feel upset to think that all the guys at work want me and for him to even look at another girl will make me look stupid. He is a bit of an attention seeker and I feel he wants approvel from all females. When certain females are in our surroundings I can read his body language all exited like a kid, although these females may not even be that attractive!
I don't think he realises he does it sometimes. We have had several arguments over this. I can't stand it.
he trys hard to keep me happy but i can't really change the person he is, after all that is his personality, i don't know what to do.
He said he doesn't look at anyone else but me and was always told me how much he loves me. He even wanted to marry me. Lately he doesn't tell me he loves me, when I ask how he feels he says you know how i feel, and doesn't seem to bring up marriage all that much.
I know it is normal for guys to look, but I feel if he got me there is no need to look at anyone. I know he won't cheat on me, I don't even want him to have female friends.
At the same time he is so possevive of me, but does not accuse me when men try to talk to me he justs buts in and marks his territory, whereas if he speaks to girls i get angry. He gets really jealous when I speak to anyone and I think that shows he cares. I don't mind when he gets jealous I get more attention from him that way.
he has been cheated on in prevous relationships.
I always say he doesn't care no matter how much he does for me , and accuse him of not wanting to spend time with me, even though we spend loads of time together. I know I need to give him space, but feel if I do he may get used to being without me. I feel I need to too much love or I don't think he loves me??
I know relationships slowly settle down, but I worry his love will fade for me. I always compare it to the start of our relationship.
I don't understand why I feel insecure as I am really attractive and have alot going for me??
Sometimes I worry that I be with people dependant on how much they love me, becuase I have had guys obbsess over me in the past , guys that I wasn't interested in. Maybe I think that obbsession is love??
Please help me, I know you offer some good advice to readers, from one of your confused readers........
You have a really strange relationship that seems to be working for you. I think that the games you play with him -- saying he doesn't care, getting jealous when he talks to girls, accusing him of not spending enough time with you -- these all are twisted ways of showing that you care for one another. If you're both happy with it, then fine. But if not, I suggest seeing a counsellor to work through the actions and issues at hand. In fact, I suggest that you go to see one yourself to gain a better sense of self. It sounds to me like you would gain a lot from it.
I wish you luck!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com