Regaining his Trust
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
me and my ex boyfriend broke up 8 months ago. I left him for another man. I realized that I loved him and left that guy and I have been single since then. My ex boyfriend won't really talk to me. I want to get his trust back so that maybe we can get back together. How do I gain back his trust slowly so that we may get back together. He says that he still loves me but he hates what I did to him and that he can't trust me, so what can I do to let him know that I made a mistake and I want him back forever.
Trust is one of THE most important things in a relationship, the trust that your partner will be there for you, will actively work on the relationship with you. That you don't need to worry every time your partner goes out the door that he or she is doing something to harm your relationship. So it is understandable, when you betrayed him, that your ex does not want to be hurt again.
You need to sit down with your ex and talk seriously about what happened. How you realize that it was a betrayal of that trust to have been involved with another man while you were in a relationship with him. Your relationship should always be your focus. If it doesn't work, then that's one thing. You decide together that it isn't working and then when you are *free* you consider other options. But to consider and/or act on other options while you are IN a relationship already is a betrayal of your vow to your partner and of his trust. So this is something that often cannot be repaired.
Still, there are numerous examples of couples that DO work through the pain and betrayal and find a way to heal the rift. It takes a LOT of work, and is a very slow, gradual process. You need to prove to him every day that you have made a commitment to him, to the relationship, to full communication. That if you start to feel things drift, you won't just open yourself up to another person - that you will *address* the issues, talk about them, be open and honest about how you feel. If things get uncomfortable, you will talk anyway, and make sure everything is fully up front.
It is only by continually, day after day, week after week, month after month, showing him that you ARE there, you are focussed, and committed, and are communicating constantly, and are worthy of trust, that he will begin to trust you. It's the whole "burned once, shame on you - burned twice, shame on me" mentality that you have to get past. He's already felt like a fool for trusting you the last time, you have to prove to him that he's not a double-fool for then trusting you again.
With a lot of hard work, a lot of time, and commitment on both of your parts, it can succeed.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com