she was the one to break up with me
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
i've written here before, but i need some more advice.
my ex broke up with me about 1 and a half months ago. we were in a 3 month relationship which was great as far as i could tell. we're both roommates with a 3rd guy roommate who's a great friend to both of us. we started dating one month after she moved in because we both really liked each other. as the months went by, i started caring deeply for her, and she for me. she was the one to start the relationship, she was the first one to say 'i love you', and she was the one to break up with me stating the only reason was that she 'lost feeling for me'. i always thought everything was ok and didn't notice her shying away at all. so now we're broken up. i got the news in an email which was a real cop out on her part, and she acknowledged that, saying that she just can't do it to my face since i'm such a nice guy. she also said that there isn't anyone else, and she doesn't want to be with anyone else. by the way, we still live together, but in separate rooms. 2 weeks after the breakup, she starting dating this guy and i know that they're already having sex. she's nice enough not to bring this guy home, but i can't help but still feel completely distraught about this. just knowing that she's not with me anymore sucks, but i'll eventually get over that. i've been really cool with her since the breakup and have tried to maintain a friendship with her. because she really does want me as a friend. and she says that she still loves me, but as a friend. also, she'll be moving out in 2 months. my question is: is it a good idea to tell her how i actually feel? that i can't really take it anymore when she goes on dates with this guy? it kills me when she doesn't come home until the next morning and he drops her off, cause i know that she's spending the night at his house. so should i tell her how i feel and not put on an illusion to her that it's not bothering me? because i really do care about her and just want her to be happy. also, i want to get over her, but while she's living there, that will NOT happen. please advise.
I completely understand. She seems like a nice person and it sounds like you could have a good friendship out of this, if you can get through this very rough time. I think talking with her about this may help you, but it really won't solve anything. She's going to continue seeing this guy and will continue to hurt you accidentally by doing so. But there's really no way around it... but she is moving out, which will help a lot.
Sit her down and explain how rough this is on you, but don't expect anything more than care and concern from her. It won't make her like you again. But it might give you some peace of mind and it'll explain why you're moping when you're around her.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com