How to move on?

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Hi, I have a problem with jealousy. I have been married to my wife for five years and we have been together for 12 years. While I trust her and I am not jealous of her in the present, I am jealous of her past and constantly compare it to mine. While I have only had three or four previous sexual relationships my wife had 12-15 and this makes me feel like I missed out on something. While I don’t want to ‘own’ her I also don’t like the idea of her with these other men, even though I know this is unreasonable. I have tried to get things in perspective but it is hard and the feelings very intense. Could you advise me please? Advice
It's good that you recognize that your jealousy isn't sensible and that it's interfering with your relationship. That's a step in the right direction. Now it's a matter of curing you of the jealousy. Unfortunately, I have no magical solution for you, except to tell yourself it's unnecessary, every time the thoughts come up. Even though she has more experience than you, she chose -you- to be with, and has made that commitment last for all this time. When you start thinking of those other guys, come to the realization that they all matter for nothing since you got the girl.

As to "missing something", don't worry about it. You can try out anything that you want to with the love of your life, rather than with a stranger. You and she can make up all the experiences that you think you're missing. What you have is much more important than random sex. Keep hold of it and enjoy it... it's a lot more meaningful than anything else.

Good luck with this!

-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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