How can we get back together?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
my ex and i broke up 5 weeks ago after being together for 3 months. she's my first love, and i'll never forget that. but her reason for breaking up was that she just lost feelings for me. she didn't embellish on that, but stated that was the reason. she just saw me as a better friend, than boyfriend. we never fought or anything, and i had no idea she felt this way. i guess the lines of communication could've been more open. and she was the one who said 'i love you' first. she was also the one who wanted to start a relationship. we're both roomates and have a third roommate as well. she's in a separate room, though. we started this after 1 month of her being our new roommate. after she broke up with me, she said that she just doesn't want to date anyone at all, and wants to be alone for a while. i told her that if she does start dating, then i don't want to know. then i found out that just 2 weeks after the breakup, she started dating this guy. she told me now that this just happened and she couldn't have predicted it. she even told HIM that she doesn't want a serious relationship, but that's what she told me when we started (but being roommates, we obviously couldn't avoid it). i asked her that after she moves out in 2 months to live with her girlfriends, if it would be ok if i asked her out on a date again. she said no. and that she just wants to be friends. the problem is that i believe that all of the guys that hurt her in the past screwed her up somehow from not wanted a relationship and made her unable to be close to another person. if i had known that she was losing feelings for me, then i would have talked to her about it and maybe we could have worked it out. i still want her back, but i'm not sure on what to do, and how to approach it. and i also do want to be her friend, but i know that will take time. i just need advice on this. will i ever be able to get her back? or should i move on and let her go?
As tough as this is, I think it best if you let go of her and find someone new. It sounds like she's just not ready for a relationship the way you are, and it would be a horrible mismatch that would lead to unhappiness. Keep her as a friend, good friends are hard to find. But you deserve to find someone who's as crazy about you as you are about her.... and I'm sure she's out there waiting for you.
-- from Marc
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