Asking Out a Friend

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
There is this girl who started working in my office. we started off talking things other than work and i finally started helping her out with the problems she was facing. she doesnt drive so i used to drive her home. she has a boyfriend with whom the relationship is almost over (if it ever was there) she talks to me about him and i advise her. she is about to go and tell him that it is over. she likes another guy but this guy seems to be flirting with her only to have fun. she knows that also. i really like her and told her that a month or so ago. she said we were just friends and that there were no "feelings like that". we went on, hung out, i took her to , lunch and dinner, was there when she fell ill and her "boyfriend" was nowhere to be seen, took her to the doctor and walked along her through all her troubles. all the time she used to talk about this other guy she liked. one day i got really frustrated and blurted out that i think we should just be colleagues from now on. i immediately realised my mistake and apologised to her. but it was too late. she stopped talking to me didnt answer my calls and the next day in office gave me a piece of her mind. i just told her that i will be waiting for her. after a week i get a call from her that she has to go to the hospital and needs me to cover for her in the office. i answered yes and asked her to call and tell me how she is. she called me after a couple of days and started talking to me about here and there. then she told me she was in trouble and had to move in emergency and hadnt eaten (it was past 10:00 at night) i drove out to her and brought her food. after this we became close again and i took her out to dinner or lunch almost everyday, drove her everywhere. she was having more troubles and i helped out with them. gave her a diamond watch for her birthday. she was overwhelmed.

we are really comfortable with each other and can discuss almost anything except for a few things which are really personal to her. she does not like being touched and a hug or a touch is very rare. but i guess she is like that with everyone though i cannot say for sure. i want to take it to the next step and ask her out officially. is it the right time? Advice
I have a TON of advice on the site about this. You don't just leap into a dating situation - it can cause a lot of mixed feelings and fear. Instead, go out casually. Go out to dinner a bunch of times, go to fun movies as friends. Then start changing the nature of the situations so the dinners are romantic, the movies are romantic. Read the suggestions on my site. That way you can ease into it without it being scary to her.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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