He Was a Married Co-Worker
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am almost embarrassed to ask my question, but I really need a sympathetic ear and some advice to help me get on with my life. I was married 9 years ago and my marriage was a very short live one that ended with my exhusband telling me everything was fine one morning. In the afternoon when I returned home, I found out he had packed up and left without telling me.
I have been dealing with this issue for quite some time and thought I was over it, that is until 2 weeks ago. I was dating this man who is 15 years older than I am, but we seemed to be evenly matched in witts, ect. We became the best of friends and didn't see each other often, but used to IM a lot. Things started to heat up a bit for us and then all of the sudden he pulled away and I started getting hurt. The more I gave him his space, it seemed like I was in this alone. So, one day I asked him if we were ok or was he thinking of breaking up...and he told me that everything was fine with us. 2 weeks later, his exact words were "this ends here now" and then he drove off. Of course those words came shortly after a conversation about his wife that I found out he had.
Now, I feel so stupid, but I am having a bit of a problem getting over him. I have done well not contacting him and he doesn't contact me, but since we work together, we can't avoid each other. He is trying to go back to the way things were when we were the best of friends and I don't mind that, but I need to get over the hurt of feeling abandoned like my exhusband did to me first, then the fact that I have lost trust in him and that he now pretends that there is nothing between us.
He is pleasant to me and makes an effort to say hello and talk to me, but the conversation is mostly one sided (his side), because I am not sure what to say or do. Do you have any advice that you can give me besides telling me that I was stupid for getting involved with a married co-worker?
If this guy lied to you and told you he was single, then he has NO right to want to be best friends with you now. Would a best friend deceive and lie to you about something so incredibly important, in essence you use you for sex? And would this best friend then just abandon you when you found out the truth?
It does sound like somehow you end up with guys who are willing to lie and hide the truth, for some reason. Are you just not talking with them enough, that they're capable of hiding these things from you? It might be good to talk to a therapist, to figure out how these deceptions happen, and to help you find someone much more healthy for you.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com