A Hidden Love
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Ok~well first I have this problem with my girlfriend, she tells me all the time on the phone how happy she is to be with me but when we are together, in public she wolnt show any affection. I dont unerstand why she dose this? She says she loves me and that she is really happy that she is with me, but when we are around people or in person she dosnt act like that at all. I wonder if she is just scared or what. She has never had a actual boyfriend, and she usualy gets rid of her little crushes if she finds somthing that annoys her. But everyone tells her that she has changed alot for good and how she acts, everyone tells her that she is really happy and always smilling, and that they can tell that she really likes me. I just wish i could see this more how do i understand this all?
This reminds me of Destiny's Child's song "No No No" which goes: "Everytime I see you with your boys / You pretend as if you don't want me / When you get home you call me on the phone / And tell me how much you care"
It's good that she tells you that she's happy with you. There are many people asking advice on how to get their girlfriend to fall in love with them. So it sounds like you have half of the problem licked. The other issue is that she's so cold in public. It may be her upbringing, that her parents were never affectionate with one another either at home or out. It may be that she's just not comfortable being lovey dovey in front of others. Whatever the reason is, you need to accept it for now and suggest and gently encourage her to be more open. You could develop secret ways of showing your caring. My boyfriend and I wink at each other across the room. It's a small, very subtle way of saying we love each other without it being all gross and gooey love stuff. You could suggest that she hold your hand, or that she quietly knock three times on the table to say she likes you. There are lots of small things to tell each other how you feel without making a big scene.
It sounds like you two care about each other and that you're good for one another. It sounds like it's worth working on.
Good luck, and let us know how it goes!
-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com