It was going so good!

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Hi I am really confused right now due to this whole situation i'm in, here it is:
There is this girl in my school that I really like alot. I always thought she liked me too because of the way she is around me, if I were with a group of friends she would hug me only and alaways like tap me on the shoulder when we passed eachother in the hall...Just recently I told her that I liked her..she said that she liked me too and has for a while but she was just getting out of a relationship and didnt want to jump right into things again. She said she wants to be single for now cause her ex really hurt her and she didnt want to deal with that shit anymore...I told her i wanted to be friends first and see where it goes and she totally agreed to it..we exchanged numbers..i saw her everyday in school and she would still flirt with me as she usually did then it started to get really weird. Last week I asked her if she wanted to go to the mall with me but she had work and then was going out to dinner with her "guy friend"...i saw her at the mall that night eating with him, i called her and she told me to go by the resturant cause they were leaving..when she saw me she gave me this real long hug right in front of this kid..i was saying to myself wow she really likes me and i should try to ask her out...I was going to ask her the next day when I got out of work but something happened that day that stopped me from going on with my plans....A friend of mine came up to me in school and told me that her and this kid are going out with each other since last night....i am so confused..she tells me she likes me but wants to be single for now so we can become better friends first and now she is dating this guy...she hasnt told me she is dating him yet and i dont know if i should confront her and hear her reasons for doing it.......I need some advice fast cause i really am in love with this girl and now im just really confused...Can you help

thank you,
lost Advice
No one ever said that love is easy at all. It sounds like you're caught in the middle of a muddle. She says she likes you and she's not ready for a relationship, but then she goes out with this new guy and suddenly they're dating. It sounds so unfair. In a way, though, you can take it as a positive on you that she was so close to you as a friend. She could be going out with this guy as a fluff date / rebound situation where her feelings aren't really involved and she can just have a lot of fun without any meaning to it. That's not uncommon at all. Going out with you would have meant becoming open and vulnerable and she doesn't want to go there right now.

But it still sucks, doesn't it?

This will just take time to figure out where things are headed. If you're way crazy about her, then try to keep up the friendship without pressure for more. If she's just looking for a fling, then this guy will soon be out the door. And then you're still there for her. If it turns into something more meaningful, then you need to make a decision if you want her as a friend or if you could only have her as a girlfriend. That is all up to you.

I wish you the best, you sound like a great guy!

-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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