How do we work it all out?

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Ok well it all started this school year.. in the begining.. my best friend tells me he knows this guy thats on her bus (mind u she goes to a diff. skool that im going to next skool year).. so whatever she tells me that he likes her.. so i go.. "is he cute".. and she goes to me.. "for u".. so she tells me his s.n online and i IM him.. & hes like hey wussup.. and from there we start talking.. & he goes to me let me call u.. so that day (friday oct.17, 2003).. we talked from 11 at night to like 5 in the morning the next day.. and that whole weekend.. talking non-stop.. from morning to night.. that weekend he dedicated the song "suga suga" to me and said it describes the way he feels about me.. he would tell me things like.. "u sound cute over the fone".. (still diddent have a pic online).. he told me he was in love with my personality.. he told me so many things.. & i started to really like him.. so he comes to my house on monday afternoon & ask's me out & i say yes.. i was so happy.. thing is.. he was my first boyfriend.. :o).. so yeah.. we last a week before i called it quits.. the reason why i broke up with him the first time was because i thought he was moving to fast.. the first day.. "asked me out".. second.. "we kissed".. third...... he said "i love you".. so yeah.. i ended it.. then after that.. there was a whole week of him calling me non-stop like if we were still 2gether.. and it got me really annoyed.. but my friends put him through hell prank calling him telling him i turned into a dike to leave me alone.. or leaving him messages with.. "sugar sugar how u get so gayy".. or with one of my other friends wanting to fight him.. and i got madd but i couldent do anything about it... so then in halloween he calls me and leaves me a message with "hey its fernando,i just wanted to wish u a very happy halloween and that i hope ur having fun, peace"... i got sooo happy to hear his voice again.. so i told him to come by my house.. & wen i see him i was like WOW.. i like him again.. and my best friend noticed.. so he started showing her messages of girls that wanna get with him & dat r obsessed..and she would ask him.. "but are the pretty..".. and he goes "yes.. really pretty".. and she goes.. "then why dont u get with any of them".. and he goes.. "cause i still really like venus.. (thats me :o).. lol).. " so she has a lil talk with me and i agree on getting back with him.. and so does he.. so that night he calls me and ask me out and i say yes... i went through all my first expiriences with this guy.. my first kiss.. my first time holding hands with a guy.. my first time hugging a guy.. my frist time going on a date with a guy.. i saw my first eclipes with him.. first guy i talked to on the fone for so long with.. my first boyfriend.. my first EVERYTHING.. and i have waited so long for that... but i let him go for the second time in a row.. and i dont know why.. i just diddent feel it.. but after two months of not having him in my life.. i noticed i was missing a big part of me.. i would cry myself to sleep everytime i would hear "suga suga".. it was horroble.. so i called him and told him i missed him and he said he missed me too but was confused because he loves me but at the same time he doesent.. he wasent sure if i was gonna do the same thing all over again & that he diddent wanna go through that again.. and i said im sorry like a million times.. and so there was like 2 months where we had fun together.. movies.. partys.. fone.. internet.. he dedicated another song to me called "kiss from a rose".. he would tell me things like.. "if it ever seemz like i dont care.. i do".. and hes just the first i ever shed tears of joy for.. after those 2 sweet loving months of ours.. we went on a date to see the movie "gothika" witch i had allready seen... the begining of the night was horroble.. we hated eachother.. he tells me in da car "i would rather be home than here right now".. i really diddent get him.. he was getting so annoying.. but all that changed.... wen we got in da movie theater.. he offered me his hand.. we held hands.. we hugged.. & we kissed.... it was the best night of my life.. thats when i noticed i was in love.. so the movie ends and its all good and gravy.. the next day he tells me he diddent feel any chemistry... that felt like a bullet heading str8 for my heart... it hurt so much.... i couldent believe after that night where i thought everything was going good after that kiss.. that i was gaining my feeling.. where i finally reaized i was in love.. his feelings were going away.. and he ends up telling me we diddent click.. i was crying that whole day.. i couldent stand it.. after that it was christmas break.. i had gone to a church camp with my best friend veronica.. a little before that he hurt me again telling me he thinks he has feelings for her.. witch felt like another bullet heading str8 for my heart.. but that diddent bother me since i know vero is the best friend anyone can ever have and she knew i really liked him.. plus she diddent like him anyways.. and she wouldent do that to me.. so i had nothing to worry about.. so while were in church camp.. fernando would constantly call my cel. fone... i found that kinda weird.. and it wasent to talk to my best friend cuz he had sumthin for her cuz she has her own cel. so he woulda called her there.. so we have this night where its like 4 hours long of preaching.. it was awsome.. the guy told us to ask god for something that night.. and to ask for a sign.. so i prayed to god.. i asked him if me and fernando were meant to be.. if hes the guy imma spend the rest of my life with.. if hes the one imma marry like i dream to one day to please give me a sign... show me im not waisting my time.. to give me a sign like a fone call from him or a bilbord saying YOU ARE MEANT TO BE... something.. lol.. and that if its not meant to be to please take the feelings away wen i leave there that night because i diddent wanna cry anymore.. and right after.. i went to the table where my friend vero was and told her everything i prayed for.. and all of a sudden.... my fone rings... i flip it cuz i had it upside down on the table and it says FERNANDO CALLING... omg.... i was sooooo happy... i couldent stop shedding tears of joy.. it was so ironic and so amazing.. that night was wow.. i diddent pick up because i was crying to much.... but whatever.. i thought god was right.. i really felt like he was the one.. like that sign meant something.. atleast it was supposed to... but i really dont know what happend.. that christmas eve he calls me at 12 exacly to say merrry christmas.. me out of all people.. he called me right wen the ball dropped.. everytime i would invite him to a party or something.. he was there.. he once walked from his house to a party i invited him to at 12 midnight.. he once ditched his friend at the mall to go to the movies with me at 9 at night.. he spend the day after valentines with me instead of his g.f.. (hes had many that dont last hes the type that has one to get over the other.. & well whatever he came to a point where he told my best friend hes not gonna talk to me for a while so i can get over him.. and that night i was so pissed off.. i dont get him at all.. and i diddent IM him.. so he IMz me acting like he got the wrong IM.. so i go ok bye.. and 5 min. later he IMz me with.. "are you mad at me?".. and i go no bye... i dont even know why he cares.. it gets me madd.. and damn i love him sooo much and it sucks.. i want to be with him.. i feel so complete wen im with him.. i can be myself.. we have the same friends.. we go out 2gether.. we know everything about eachother.. we were like the perfect couple.. we never fought.. it was awsome... i just need help.. i need advice on how i could have him back into my life because i miss him.. i really do.. help. thanks :o) Advice
You sound like you have a winner of a guy there! He's dedicated to you, he's caring and shares his life with you and does all sorts of things that most guys won't bother to do. To keep him, you're going to have to dedicate yourself to him and stop playing the yes/no/yes/maybe game that you're doing. He's there for you and then you tell him you don't want him. The fact that he still comes after you says how much he cares.... but you can't expect this to continue for much longer.

Talk to yourself a lot, and write it down in a journal all the things you're thinking and feeling. Get straight about what you want and ditch all that other bad and frustrating behavior. He obviously means a lot to you and it would be great for you to step up to the plate and let him into your life and give him the trust that the two of you are meant for one another.

Don't lose this guy!!

-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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