My best friend is depressed

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Well, I have a bestfriend for like a year now. Well I started to like her more then a friend. I told her, but it wasn't mutual. We have gotten into a few fights over it and we fought for like a week at a time over it. But we always made up and stuff. Well we got into a huge fight over the summer, and it almost ended our friendship. We got on the phone and talked things out, we were talking more after that. We went to a fair together for the day and just hung out and talk. It was good, it was like I had my bestfriend back!

Then school started, and im a "nice guy" so I saw her a lot and basically everytime she wasn't in a good mood, knowing she was my bestfriend I kept askin her what was wrong. She would never tell me. Well I found out from a friend a few weeks later that she told him that I was getting annoying and I was freaking her out that I was always there for her. It was kind of stupid because I was only trying to be the bestfriend that I was the year before, I was always there. So I backed away.

Well right now we aren't as close as we were. We hardly even talk now. She told me after she lost her bestfriend that she knew for 8 years she said no more. All I want is to be her close friend, she means a lot to me. Before I met everything to her, but now it's different. Ive tried everything to show her that I would always be there and that I want her back as a bestfriend but nothing seems to work. She's going through a lot, she NEEDS help but afew friends and I try but she runs away from it. She always says "I am a bad person, I am a bad friend" "I dont deserve anything or anybody, I dont even deserve to live, I give up on everything even my life" It's pretty serious. But we try to help her but she runs from it. What can I do? Advice
It definitely sounds like she's depressed, and one thing that depressed people do is not want to talk about their problems, and actively get upset when others try to help them. It's too painful to talk about many times. If she's saying things like she doesn't deserve to live, it's definitely time to talk to a counsellor, therapist, parent, whoever, and have her being talked to. Depression can be very serious when you're younger, and it usually can be helped either through medicine or therapy depending on the root of the problem.

So be her friend and help find ways for her to get through this. She might need more time alone, and be stand-offish. Get her hooked up with someone that can really help her, and in a few months when she gets more settled, she might be more open to resuming your friendship.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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