He Lied about His Name for 4 Months
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
i kind of feel silly in writting but i'm having some emotional issues. It's like this, I met this guy off the party line, we talk for like a month and a half before meeting i thougth he was the coolest guy ever mentally. but anyway we finally met and we hit it off great. he told me his name and i told him mine. I've met his mom, sister, and friends.
One day i was over his house and I heard his siser call him a name, keep in mind i never heard them say actualy before, everytime they needed him to do something or ask him for something they'll just directly tell him and not say his name you know, but anyway we've been dating for like 4 months now and basicly he SLIPPED and said his real name!!
So i ask him what's going on, he told me nothing and finally after 3 min. his admitted to me that his real name wasnt XXXX but YYYYY. I'm so hurt I dont know what to do this is the guy that i make love to and thought i knew but he made be believe that he's someone his not.
WHAT TO DO PLEASE HELP ME I'M TIRED OF CRYING MY SELF TO SLEEP AND AVOIDING HIS CALL BECAUSE I DONT KNOW HOW TO REACT TO THIS STARTLING NEWS.
First, never feel silly for asking for help with something, even if it's to an anonymous website. Sometimes just asking someone else for their opinion can really help you figure out how you feel about something. We are in fact real people here who read and answer your questions, so we do the best we can to help!
Although I would NEVER recommend lying to anybody, I do admit that sometimes people in a 'dangerous' situation like bars or party lines will give out a false name to begin with. They don't know if someone will end up being a stalker or a psycho! But once they get to talk to you, they should of course promptly tell you their real name and explain (probably with a laugh) why they had to start with the false one.
I agree that doing this for FOUR MONTHS after you met his family and everything else is way out of line. He could argue that he felt silly, having started the lie, to tell the truth. But if he can't do that for something stupid like 'my real name is', how can you trust him to fork over the truth when it's something far more meaningful and difficult? He failed this "simple test". Can you trust him to make the effort to be honest when much more is at stake?
You need to show him just how important trust and honesty is. This isn't some "stupid little thing". He still didn't even trust you with his real name, and didn't trust your reaction to an honest confession. If the guy can't even be honest with you after all these months, because he's afraid to, there's something seriously flawed in the base of the relationship.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com