When is too much work a bigger problem?
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I am dating someone 10 years younger than I am. He is 25. When he is with me and his cell phone rings, sometimes late at night, he doesn't answer it. He just ignores it. Says that its his sister. He goes out (bar) and says that he will be back in just a little while (we dont live together) and doesn't call or show up til 330 or 4 am. I try to call him and see if he is ok and he doesn't answer. Says that he didn't hear his cell (pocket). When he drinks he tells me that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him bla bla bla...he has only told me he loved me once since he first told me four months ago. I am very skeptical and can't stop thinking that he is being sneaky about something or someone. Should I just go with my instinct or is it just being insecure (which I have never been in any other relationships)? We barely spend anytime together during the week. He says that he is tired from working. The weekend time is not a lot either. He sometimes will stay with me and most times goes to the bars. He is a hard worker and has his own business with his dad so he is successful and can have any girl he wants. Why is he with me? and why do I have to deal with my skeptism? Should I drop him and move on to someone that can make me feel like I am truly cared about?
He's with you because he cares about you and you fill an important spot in his life. Otherwise, he would leave you. For all that this guy runs his own business, he's still young. You are much more mature than he is and you can't expect that he's going to make sense all the time. From your description, I don't think you need to worry just yet. His not answering the cell phone means that you come first in his life. His going out to the bars is just the 25 yr old in him doing 25 yr old things. The downside is that you don't seem to have a lot of time together, which is unfortunate and puts a damper on your relationship. See if you can coax him into doing low-key things during the week and something more exciting on the weekends.
Whatever it takes, both of you need to work on the relationship if it's going to last. He needs to do his part too... and it sounds like he's very overworked and maybe should get a little more slack. But not too much, you don't want to be a doormat for him either.
Good luck and let us know how it works out!
-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com