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Love and art do not embrace what is beautiful - but what is made beautiful by this embrace. --Karl Kraus



She's Nervous about being more than friends



Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Hi. I have a problem, one that I hope can actually be salvage. Here's the background of the story: I know this girl for about six months now. We work together, and went to the same college. We hang out at work, and occasionally outside of work. Over the course of that 6 months, I feel more and more attracted to her to the point of going to work just to talk to her. I'm a kind of guy who actually don't really care much for relationship, but somehow I feel really comfortable with her and feel really attracted to her.

About four weeks ago, I invite her to go to the movie with me, just the two of us, and she said yes. Everything went smoothly, so I thought that it might be a good time to tell her that I like her. So about a week after that, I told her that I like her. Her reaction was that of shocked and embarassment, so I really don't know what to make of it. After that, there was two weeks of silence. Nothing. At work, she doesn't avoid me, but doesn't say anything beyond "hi" or "hey". I take that as a bad sign, and actually prepared for the worst. I thought that I might have actually lose her friendship too, which I valued dearly.

After that two weeks, she started talking to me again, and we hang out at work like we usually do, except now I'm even more confused and really watch what I do around her. I feel that arkwardness when I'm just alone with her. I'm thinking about asking her out again, but I'm really confused about it. I don't want to intrude or make her even more uneasy about the situation because now that we're friend again, I don't want to lose her friendship.

Soon, I'll be quitting from work, and she'll quit too. The only place I can actually see and talk to her is actually at work, and now that we're quitting, I feel that if I don't do something, she'll disappear forever from my life. Now, my question is: What should I do? And what does all these mean? Does it mean she just want to be friend, or does it means a green light for me to ask her to go out again?? Please help. I'm utterly and completely confuse (and this is the first time I ever done somthing like this too.)




RomanceClass.com Advice
It does sound like she was nervous when you crossed the line between friends and more-than-friends. I always advise taking that slow, so that people get used to the idea. It might be that she wasn't ready for a "relationship" and became scared of the thought that you wanted one. But there's no reason that you guys can't still be friends! You enjoyed being together, you enjoyed talking and spending time.

So make the effort to talk to her. She may be uncomfortable talking to you because she knows she didn't react well to your revelation before. Get back to the friendship. Make sure you have her email address and phone number and stay in touch. Go out to dinner as friends. Make that nice and solid.

Then read my tips on going from friend to boyfriend -

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/howto/friendlover.asp

Do it nice and slow. Some people get scared over the 'names' of the stages. So don't use names. Just go gradually, and see how it feels. It may feel really right to her, but if it doesn't, by going slowly you don't risk the friendship again.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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