Guy Being a Bit Too Friendly?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I knew the guy in high school but just as an acquaintence and then in 2001 a mutual friend heard from him and they dated for 9 months. I, in turn got to know him better through my friend as well.

Approximately two months after they broke up he began to come around to visit quite often and we would go out for coffee together a lot and talk etc. Most times when we returned (unlike the other girl who wrote in) he would come in and we would talk for awhile. So, we did this for approx. 4-5 months and then we went Christmas shopping together and he made my day this past Christmas because he was the first person to call me on Christmas morning and he said I am coming to see you too. So, before he left I said come here and I gave him a hug. Before he left he said I will come and get you tomorrow and we will go snowmobiling (we did). Things continued good for about three more months and in these three months he asked he asked me to do a lot of things with him including going to meet his Mom, come for supper at his place and going to a wedding with him just to mention a few things.

Here comes the confusing part: The things I just mentioned above (the stuff he asked me to do with him during those three months) never ended up happening! He initiated all of them. This past September he went away to school and before he went he came to tell me and he said "I am not going to like the distance at all" (he is 14 hrs away) and I said well neither am I - but also in the 3 months prior to him leaving he only came around like three times. (In case you are wondering why he is always driving and coming to me etc. it is because I am physically challenged; this is another drawing point because he has NO problem with assisting me.)

Since he has been at school we have talked a lot. I asked what happened to him all summer and he replied that the last couple of months he was worried about leaving and that he had spent a lot of time at a friends house (female) before he went to school, but he has never said they were together. I knew that he had done some things with her as well because he openly told me... ag!

Is he in to me in more then a friendly way and is too scared to say? I am a little hesitant to do this as well because I do not want to put any strain on the relationship that we have.

So, with this great guy and thought everything was falling into place.
Then he just started not coming around hardly at all. So, I wondered if had found someone , but he never said anything at all, so I did not want to assume anything and we officially had no status.
Then he came in August and told me that he was going away to school and would not like the distance. Despite him going away we kept in really close touch. Then for Christmas he was home for 3 weeks, he never called or showed up. So, I left it alone and thought if he wanted anything to do with me -- he could show me that. It was a hard 5 weeks, but he called me on V-day this year and then I was super confused on what he wants. Again since He initiated contact again we have been in touch ( and for awhile I made sure he initated talks etc. , so that I knew he wanted to) Then in March he got the internet and we talked like everyday for at least 2 hrs, then his computer died so he has been phoning me alot and I am returning them as well. Here is WHERE I GET CONFUSED - he FINALLY told me that he is with another girl since last JUNE! So, I asked if we should be talking so much ? and he answer was yeah for sure why? and since he has told me he has called ME like every other day and when he gets home he wants to do all of these things with ME (which I am happy about) but where is this supposed girlfriend come in etc.So, is it a case of he likes both of us and can not decide ? or is he wanting me and can't say? or is he playing me ?
what should I do here ? Just yo remIind you I am also physically challenged and he is super with hepling me and has No Problems with me chair .
Some of the things that he has said "we" will do since I have offically known about the girlfriend are : take a road trip to my cousins(3 hrs away), go to a car show and the latest one he asked me if I wanted to go to a big 3 day concert event with him and his girlfriend went to last year - and I asked him what she would think about that - and he sais that he did not care basically. So, know he has a girlfriend and being invited to all of these events by him (one with her the others not) I am SUPER confused on what he is doing and he wants?
HELP!!! Advice
It really sounds like he is a great friend that just isn't romantically interested in you. Lots of guys have female friends, and lots of girls have male friends. It works wonderfully when both people know it's all about a good friendship. I have some guys I am really good friends with and do lots of things with - but I don't even think about dating them. What makes it tough is if one of the pair then becomes romantic but the other person is not.

So I'm afraid this guy has a girlfriend, he is with her, and he thinks of you as a great friend. Different people have different interests. If my boyfriend doesn't like irish music, and I do, I might go with another guy instead. It doesn't mean I dislike my boyfriend or want to date the other guy. It's a fun way to spend the night listening to irish music with someone who also appreciates it.

So either you have to appreciate the friendship - or wean yourself off him so you can spend more time looking for a romantic partner, which seems to be what you want.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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