Am I a Virgin

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
my boyfriend and i decided to have sex. when we started it hurted a little bit, but then it began to feel pleasurable. after about 6 minutes, we stopped because he didnt feel comfortable with my cousin being downstairs. even though he didnt bust my "cherry," am i considered a virgin? Advice
Virginity has nothing to do with your hymen breaking or not breaking. Some women don't have hymens. Some break them horseback riding or bike riding. Virginity only has to do with a guy having sex with a girl. And the only reason virginity has ever really mattered is that guys who got married wanted to ensure that only THEIR children would "issue" from their wives, so that their land and property would go to their own bloodline. Therefore, they wanted to marry a virgin and then lock her up so she would stay 'pure' to him alone.

So I really wouldn't obsess about technicalities here. You had sex with your boyfriend. You're not a virgin. But I really doubt you two are planning on getting married right now or that he's worried about "only his bloodline" issuing from your loins. So it doesn't really matter either way in any sense. You should NOT define your worth as a person by whether you have or have not had sex. That is something private between you and your boyfriend - just as it is whether you've kissed, touched, or done anything else.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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