I Let Her Down - I Want Her Back
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Hi! Well I was dating this woman last fall. She is a single mom of four, she has never been married and so have I. The kids were never an issue I love kids and got attached to them. I made a few mistakes during our relationship but never denied that I did. I like hunting in the fall and told her that whenever I get the chance to go I am going to go. Well we had agreed that we would spend the weekend together but I instead got the chance to go hunting so I went and this was the final straw and I admit very inconsiderate of me and the relationship ended. It turns out she was falling for me and was going to tell me that weekend and to be honest I was falling for her as well but got scared because I have been hurt before (I know my baggage)and she thought I was cheating but I wasn't, she has had bad luck in that area in the past with her ex. SO we both went our seperate ways but I would still think about her.
I was asked out on a few dates and briefly dated someone for about 3 weeks but did not work out. I was thinking of her all the time so I decided to re-connect and take a chance. I was surprised she let me back into her life but only as a friend so I took it I explained to her I was wrong and inconsiderate about some things in our relationship and that I never meant to intentionally hurt her but it happened. However we had a disagreement recently apparently I was not a support for her when she needed me in a time of crisis I thought I was by consoling her and being there for her but she thought I was too analytical because I slipped into job mode ( I work in domestic violence and her sister was a victim of this and I slipped into that role) I only hear about this 4 days later and I apologized then I don't hear from her for another 4 before I finally responded and I relayed to her that I found I ws always apologizing for something i did and if she would have told me what she needed that night I could have provided it so she responded by saying it is not that I don't want you around anymore it is just that I have been busy (man did I look like an ass). It is true that I always admitted I was wrong. I do love her but can't be friends right now because of these feelings and I don't want to hurt the kids, she says she does not feel the same way so i had to let go.
Why would she let me back into her life in the first place even just to be friends? We had fun together and she would say things to imply there is a future between us possibly more than friends. Does she still have feelings for me? Should I give her time or let her go or do I pursue her?
Most women would love to have a guy that apologized as much as you did! I agree that some things you did here were wrong - if you make plans with her, you shouldn't just abandon her at the drop of a hat. That isn't fair. But on the other hand, if you are there to talk to her when she needs a talk, for her to complain that you didn't talk to her "the way she wanted" is really unfair.
It sounds like you are still interested in her - and that she is not trying to drive you away. I would work on the friendship and make sure that BOTH of you try to make things better here. A relationship is about two people who actively strive to help each other out. It shouldn't be about one of you blaming the other, or one person taking all the blame.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com