I Want to Marry - He Does Not
Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
It will be two years me and my boyfriend have been together. We've been living together. We have 3 kids between the two of us. I love him and he treats me wonderfully. He loves me too and does everything he can to make me happy, please me etc. He says someday he's going to marry me. Just as soon as we became serious and knew we did want to spend our lives together, I thought we'd at least be engaged by now, but he just says he can't afford a ring right now. (anyway the one I want), he's bought other not so inexpensive things since we've been together (i.e. $6,000 a/c, motorhome, motorcycle trailer) I do partake in all that he does purchase, but I feel as though I'm just a temporary guest in his house and I frequently convey to him that it is his house along with everything else. He continues to say what is his is mine. I just wish I knew if he is infact wanting to marry me. I'm considering on our 2nd anniversary becoming separate household partners until he is really ready to commit. I guess my question is: Do I stay and wait or move on? I feel as though I'm in limbo and feel myself frustrated thinking about it more and more often and there have been at least 5 couples that have been together a shorter period of time that I know and are engaged.
Please help me decide if you can.
Heck, lots of people marry in Vegas after only knowing each other for a few hours. That isn't a good way to judge sanity :) I know many people who are extremely happy that have lived together for 10 years or more. Marriage is not an end-all to life. Really you only need to marry if you want more kids and care about being married when you bear them. You should ask yourself - what do you feel will be "different" when you marry? Will you need the proof he loves you? Do you want the ring to show to friends? Do you want the big party? And then sit down and talk to him about THAT - and ask him honestly what he fears will change. If it was going to be a "no change transition" then you wouldn't want it so badly. Nothing would change, so there would be no reason to do it. For the same reason, he is stalling because he fears something WILL change. So talk to him about all of that.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com