Engaged at 16

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Is it bad to get engaged at the age of 16? Is it bad to go out with a 21 year old?

RomanceClass.com Advice
Well first, it's bad to think of anything in life as being "bad" or "good" :) :) Nothing is just "bad" or "good". There are always reasons for doing things, and reasons for not doing things.

Let's say you've known this guy for your entire life. That he respectfully waited until you were 15 before he began dating you - and that he is dating you celibately now. And that he has asked you to marry him, but will wait until you are 18 before you both marry. That would seem very reasonable and sweet to me.

On the other hand, let's say you met this guy 3 months ago and he has already pressured you into sex - and he has told you to marry him because he wants to make sure you are all his. And that he wants you to sneak off and elope with him. That would be NOT reasonable.

A marriage should never be rushed into. It should never be a "solution to problems". If he is willing to wait until you're 18 and not pressure you at all until then, that is fine. But the danger with a too-older guy is that they will use you for sex. If this guy is pushing you into sex, and trying to make you do things quickly before you change your mind, then talk to a parent or teacher or therapist immediately. That is a guy who is out to control you - not a guy who loves you.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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