I'm In Love with Another Man
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I'm married, but in love with someone else. It's very, very complicated. The person I'm in love with is my fourth cousin. I know that sounds bad but he makes me feel attractive and sexy again! My husband doesn't pay me any attention anymore. We never intended for anything to happen. It just did. But I can't help it! I think of him all the time. Not only that I come from a very, very, very, religious family background. So that makes it even more complicated!! I don't want to dissapoint anyone in my family, but I can't help how I feel! We are very close, I feel I can tell him everything and he's not judging me or waiting for me to say something wrong so he can go and tell everyone what a screw up I am! He makes me feel so good and pretty again! I dont' know what to do! I'm so confused! Can anybody help me?
The first thing you need to do here is realize that you CAN help it. Women are tempted every single day. Women are in unhappy marriages quite often. But they need to make decisions - to work 100% on the relationship, while avoiding temptation. Instead you chose to give in to the temptation. Of course you can help it :) You can stop seeing this guy. You CHOOSE to see him because you like it. You CHOOSE to talk to him instead of working with your husband to make things better. It's very important for you to sit down and realize that.
So now, do you want to get divorced? You're obviously unhappy. You don't want to live your entire life, being unhappy. If your husband makes you feel like an ugly reject, that is very unhealthy. So it's time for you to make a choice here.
If you are willing to just give up on the entire marriage, then do it. Explain you reasons and move out. Yes, it'll cause angst. But this is your entire life you're talking about. You deserve not to live it being unhappy. The year or two of trouble it will cause is nothing compared to the remaining years of your life.
If you are NOT willing to do that, then go to a therapist, minister, etc. Get to someone who can help you FIX your marriage. No marriage is beyond saving. But if your only solution is to ignore your husband, run around with another guy and pour all your troubles out to him, using all your energies to strengthen that other relationship, nothing will ever get better. You are actively causing the harm, by building the distance between you and your husband.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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