My Girlfriend is Busy - Another is Free

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Hi i just want to say how much of a help you guys have been i'm really thankfull for what you have done and hopefully will do for me now. My problem is that whenever me and my girlfriend want to do something shes always swimming and i know its not her fault but the relationship isn't going anywhere because we are not spending enough time together

just recently a girl who i had gone out with (and broke up because she moved) came back and wants to get back together and i don't really know what i should be doing and i'm wondering if you have any advice. Thank you very, very much Advice
There is often an issue of time in relationships. This is true when one person is off in the army, at a far-off job, off doing sports, or whatever. This is hardly an unique situation, but it is always a hard one.

A relationship involves two people whose needs are being met. Sometimes people are quite fine being countries apart, because their needs are simple. They just want a pen pal lover. Other people really want the close day to day contact of an in-person relationship. They want someone to have dinner with, someone to see movies with, someone to hold hands with. Both are normal and natural.

So only you can decide for yourself what you want out of a relationship. You should not feel guilty about this. Wanting a relationship is normal - and wanting a healthy relationship is normal. It's not that your girlfriend is "bad". It's just that the situation has worked against you. If you really want a girlfriend that is around, then that is your perogative. It's not your girlfriend's "fault" that she cannot be that girl. But it is just the way that things are. She just doesn't have the time to dedicate to a relationship right now.

I would talk to her about it. I imagine she'll be sad but understand. If she really resists, maybe she could find a way to rearrange schedules so you can spend more time together.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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