Dealing with the Ex Girlfriend
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've been dating this guy for 4 months now, and he just got out of a 5 year relationship about 8 months ago. Everything was great until recently, his ex has been calling him every single day and hoping to get back with him. We are in love, but he still answers her calls and feels the need to comfort her b/c of how bad he hurt her when he broke it off. I hate this and don't know how to react, but I am starting to go crazy b/c he won't let her go. He has an issue that "she might as well be dead" if they don't talk and wants to maintain a friendship with her even though he knows it kills him. He has issues with letting go, but is going to tell her today.
My question is should I wait around for him to get over her and this terrible process- I know it should've happened a long time ago but didn't. We are in love, but I'm not sure I can deal with this or that I should be there for him even if I do love him? Is the cost too great?
This is always a tough situation. It is why it's so important for people to THOROUGHLY get over a previous relationship before they enter into another one. Obviously he didn't follow that rule :)
OK, so now what to do. In essence he is stringing her along by continuing to feed her hunger. He is giving her the impression that he will come back to her if she just keeps it up. It's like dealing with a 3 year old. If every time they whine you give them a toy - can you yell at them for whining? You're the one who trained them to do it in the first place.
So he needs to be gentle but firm here. Tell her that he likes her, but that he has a new relationship. That daily conversations are not appropriate. That she needs to move on and obviously this current technique is not working. That she needs to lean on friends, family, or religious mentors to find her shoulder going forward.
If he does really care for her - he needs to point her in a new direction and stop leading her on.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com