Take It Slow
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Should I just forget about her?
Ok so I've liked this girl for about a month now. We both go to the same school and she is in one of my classes. I have talked to her in class and only about class related things, but enough to get a good feeling about who she is and let her know who I am. I finally saw her out one night and things went well. I bought her a couple drinks, met her friends, and danced with her. We also talked for a while and I found out she was single. Overall the vibe was very good, but I didn't manage to get her number before she left the bar (without saying goodbye I might add...later I found out she left because she wasn't feeling well). The next week in class I was too nervous to talk to her, and I didn't - and she didn't really talk to me. I saw her out later that week but was I very drunk and possibly made a fool of myself and didn't get her number again.
The next week I decided to wait for her after class to see if she wanted to go to a party that weekend with me. I said she could bring her friends and she said she would get back to me. The next class she told me that she had a prior commitment and couldn't come, which was fine with me. I saw her briefly later that week one night coming home from a bar with her friends, and she seemed very excited to see me and I finally managed to get her number (could she have been overly friendly because she was drunk?). At this point I was very confident about the situation, so I called her the next day, but I had to leave a message because she didn't pick up. She never called me back and I never saw her that weekend. The next week in class, I decided to lay low because I thought my phone call was too soon and felt I was coming on too strong. I only talked to her in class discussions and such, but I didn't want to wait to talk to her after class for fear of pushing her away. In class I overheard her talking to her friend about a party that was going on that weekend. I figured she would ask me if I wanted to go, but she never came up to me after class and still hadn't returned my phone call at this point.
By now I was very discouraged and figured that anything that happened from now on would be up to her. Nonetheless, I decided that I would ask her how she felt the next time I ran into her away from class.
That night I saw her walking home from the bar. I said hello to her and her friends, and she stated nonchalantly that it was nice to see me twice in one day. I figured if she was interested then she would have asked me what my plans were that weekend or invited me to her friend's party. I felt that I had done enough to let her know I was interested at this point and felt like it would have been too strange to take her aside and ask her how she felt about me. So I briefly acknowledged her statement, said goodbye, and walked home very disappointed.
I haven't felt this way about a girl in a very long time, and I had a very strong feeling that things would work out. Now there are only a couple weeks of school left, and I might never see her again (could this be a possibility she isn't as open as I would like?). I want to believe she is as nervous and shy as me about pursuing anything, but I am just not getting that vibe from her. I also feel that I might be expecting too much from her, which may be influencing my actions and feelings. I am a persistent person and don't like to give up on things, but I feel like she might not be worth my time at this point. It is hard to forget about this thing without knowing exactly how she feels. I would agree that my signals haven't been very consistent, which may be a reason she is responding in the same manner. Should I try to call her again or ask her how she feels the next time I see her? Or should I just move on?
It sounds like she wants to take things slow and you're trying to rush things. You're talking with her casually - that's a good first step! She's giving signs that she likes to talk to you. So instead of expecting her to run off with you for the weekend, keep on the slow, steady pace. Keep talking to her when you see her. Keep taking to her for longer and longer periods of time, so that she really gets to know you.
Your sole aim should be that she feels comfortable enough talking to you to answer email once you're out of school. If you have that email link built, then you can go from there at her pace.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com