Our Relationship is At a Crossroads
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I met this guy online about 2.5 years ago, finally almost a year ago we hooked up at first it was a long distance relationship but it was so great we moved in together about 9 months ago, it was the best thing ever he was so good to me i couldnt have ask for anyone better I love him with all my heart.
But here recently he acts so distant he dosent look at me the way he used to , we hardly ever make love and when we do its like his mind is somewhere else. When we first moved in together he couldnt keep his hands off me and now i have to beg him to touch, or talk to me. I am 21 and he is 32 but that dosent make a difference to me and it didnt to him either .
Recently i have mentioned to him that i want to have a baby and all he says is ok , he dosent talk to me about it he acts like he dosent want that . He already has 3 kids of his own. I have also told him that i want to marry him but he dosent seem to want that either, I feel like we have reached a place where its either marriage and start a family together or go our seperate ways..But I love him so very much and I dont know if i could ever see myself without him. Please help me
All people go through stages in life. They go through the growing up stage, the wilder 'explore your options - learn about life' stage of teenagerhood, the 'settle down and start a family' stage, and then the 'kids are grown, we're free!' stage. Of course this is only generalizations, but most people go through those various stages.
So there you were at the 'wild and free! I wanna move in with him and have fun!' stage. And he was at the 'I am free of my kids! I wanna have some fun!' stage. He had his hands on a barely-legal girl, and probably thought he was reliving his teen years. So for him, things are perfect just the way they are. He already HAD his time of responsibility. He already HAS three kids. He probably has no desire for any more - to start up the 18-year-countdown-to-freedom now that he's in his 30s.
I think you need to realize that people can love each other without being able to build a future together. Yes, you can love him. But if you want a partner to raise kids with - you will have to find someone else. Raising kids is a HUGE responsibility that requires 100% active desire to do it. If you try to force or guilt or wheedle him into going along with your plan, it won't be long before he leaves.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com