Partner's Sexual Past

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I have been with my partner for just under a year and find it very very difficult to deal with her past. We are both 20 years old. She has been with 10 people, most of them being one night stands, I have been with one less than she has and apart from one person, mine have been one night stands too. I know I sound hypocritical but she can deal with it, I cant! She has also let herself be sexually used by people (without actual intercourse). This really angers me and i cant talk to her about it because we agreed not to after it causing problems, so I bottle it all up.

She assures me that the reason she has been through all of this is because she has always wanted/needed someone, a boyfriend, and due to the fact that she was a chubby teenager she thought that by giving someone sexual pleasure and doing what they wanted, she could hold on to them.

This is causing me depression and i am finding it very hard to deal with, please help me out here as I cannot stop thinking about this, i have imaginery scenarios in my head with faceless people. Advice
It sounds like you are really jealous and insecure for no reason at all. We ALL have pasts! We ALL have situations in our past! Those situations made us what we are today. She is the way she is today because of her past. If she didn't have that past, she probably never would have fallen in love with you. She wouldn't have appreciated you and your unique personality. It's only because of what she went through that she is with you now.

I highly recommend reading all my pages on jealousy, taking the quiz, reading the ebook. If you have to, talk to a therapist or minister. This is all in your head - and you can easily destroy this relationship if you don't get it resolved. It's not like she can "undo" the past.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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