Dating While Being Married

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I think I am in love with this guy I have been seeing for the last 3 months. I unfortunately am in a loveless marriage. I have been married for 6 years and I have a 4 year old daughter. I have stayed for my daughter's sake but even with counseling and everything nothing is changing. I met this guy who I think really likes me. However, he has a girlfriend of 6 years. He is unhappy in his situation a lot of the time. We have not had an intimate encounter yet. We have kissed mainly. I just wonder why I love him already and why he has not made plans to leave her yet. I am lost. Advice
There is a situation called rebound that you really need to study up on. It is usually far easier to just "temporarily escape" a bad situation and to fantasize about that temporary parter vs to actually maintain a long term relationship with a person. There is no way to even remotely compare the two. People who hook up on rebound, building those fantasies and no-commitment relationships, usually fail.

It is critical that you not mix the two together. You have a husband. You have to focus on that situation. Really try to make it work *without* giving your affections elsewhere. If it doesn't work then fine, say so and call it quits. But give it your very best shot before you do. Let's say you do call it quits. You still have to get over your own rebound period before you can sanely start to date someone else. Otherwise you'll never know if you were dating that guy because he was an "easy escape" or if it really was a good match for you.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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