My Girlfriend Lied - Saw her Ex

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have been going out with my fiance for 2 and a half years and asked her to marry me about 7 months ago, things have been going really well and we hardly ever argued. until about 2 months ago.

she started wanting to go out and have a bit of a social life which in itself i was fine with. except i found out she had rung her ex boyfriend with whom she works with, 7 times that night. she only rung me once however. i asked her about it and she said there was nothing going on, i asked why she couldnt tell me that she rang him and she said "I didnt want to hurt you"

She then threatend to leave because she couldnt handle me accusing her of being a slag, I have never said that to her and never would. I told her that I didnt think she was a slag I just didnt like secrets being kept from me.

we resolved this in the end and i said if you do go out let me know where you are and who your with even if you think it will hurt me, if theres nothing going on why would it hurt me.

A few weeks later she was in the bath and she got a message on her phone so I looked at it and it was from her Ex who she works with saying "I love you will you marry me xxx" I tried to stay calm but all the while i was shaking and really hurting when i asked my fiance what was going on why would he text you this she didnt have an answer and only said there's nothing going on. so I rang her ex up to ask for an explanation when he realised it was me on the phone he said F**k and put the phone down. he then rang back being very cocky and was obvoiously drunk.

She wouldnt let me speak to him in the morning so i could get an answer for his drunken messages, however she did let me speak to him in the afternoon where he said that he text loads of people the same message and that he was very drunk. When my fiance came back on the phone she said strait away does that answer all your questions and seemed off with me, I feel really bad and cant help thinking they had to come up with an explanation.

I really want this relationship to work and love her so much but i know that without trust it could never work should i trust her, how can i tell if she is lying. i feel that something is a miss but really dont know how to handle it. Advice
On one hand, we all have had jerks for ex boyfriends / ex girlfriends who do things like that to cause trouble. But on the other hand, she deliberately lied to you about seeing him. Then she got all cocky when you caught her in the lie. Lying in a relationship is NEVER EVER right. If you can't trust her to be honest in this situation, then how can you trust her to be honest in any situation? She said she lied to protect you. Heck, that's the same excuse that every single liar has ever used. What if she did start sleeping with him? Undoubtedly she'd lie to protect you then, too.

Your girlfriend has some growing up to do if she really wants this to be a relationship that works. Lying to you and then threatening to leave when she's caught is not mature behavior.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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