Forcing an Ex to Give Up Other Friends

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My gf (and first lover) and I were together for 1 1/2 months. She was going through a hard time and I tried to comfort her, but she said she just didn't know me well enough. One day she called me up and told me that she was really stressed out and that she needed some time to get her life in order and just wanted to be friends. Confused, I backed off and agreed to be her friend. I am really having a hard time with this because even though I don't want to pressure her, I am still very smitten with her. She has found a new friend whom she has really hit it off with, and they've become close. When my ex calls me up, all she talks about is this other friend and it really tears me up inside. The other day I asked my ex why we should be friends at all when she's always hanging with her other friend. She said that she cares a lot about me and wants me in her life. I ask you: Is it possible to remain friends with your ex? And in my personal situation, will these heartsick feelings ever go away if I don't just walk away from her? Advice
Well surely people can have lots of friends, that's not an exclusive thing. If you make her choose between having you as a friend or having someone else as a friend, you're setting yourself up for disaster. That's an unfair choice to make anybody take.

She likes you and cares about you. That's a good thing. Now either you can be there and let her take her time deciding what she wants from life - or you can try to force her to bend to meet your schedule. I can tell you from experience that only one of those tactics tends to work. It's not the second one ...

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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