I Cheated - Should I Tell Him?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I started dating my boyfriend 3 years ago when I was 18 and he was 24. Now I am 21 and he is 27.....I have grown up alot. But in the proccess I have made many mistakes. about a year ago, I broke up with him for another guy who confessed that he was in love with me. I realized my huge mistake and how much I was scared of losing B. B, somehow even though I hurt him deeply, took me back. Then I moved off to college 6 months ago. All of my family, friends, and co-workers didn't want me to get back with B and were constantly telling me of the guys at CS. i had just moved to CS and was in awe of everything.......
and then I kissed a guy at a bar and invited him back to our apartment....but then I made him leave....
I didn't feel bad about it at the time because B and I weren't getting along at all. I didnt even talk to him everyday and didn't feel like we were "serious". I embraced my flirti-ness I guess and the fact that I could be such a tease and still have a boyfriend.
Well, in December, I made HUGE changes in my life. I stopped smoking. I stopped the overkill flirtiness at clubs and bars when i went out. Now I go to have a good time, not to just toy with other guys and I definately go out less often. I know that B is who I want to marry and I realize what I did with shame. My mother and best friend tell me to chalk up this cheating as a learning experience. But daily I think about this and I want to tell him so bad just to get it off my chest. How will I marry someone I haven't been honest to??
I love B so much and I can't believe I ever did that.....
Should I tell him---even though he probably will leave me for good since this is the second time I hurt him--and just take the risk; or is there someway I can ever forgive myself enough to forget about this and move on?
One of the things you learn in life is that secrets will eventually come out. Maybe you'll get drunk some night and tell him in a really awful way. Maybe someone who knew about it will mention it for whatever reason. It is always best that your partner know the full truth - in a way you can control as best as possible. If you don't tell the truth, then you leave the situation open for the truth to come out in a really BAD way and for the "shock value" of this bad revelation to ruin everything.
I would read the tips on the site about how to talk about a difficult topic - and then bite the bullet and do it. If you are very open and honest about it, chances are he will understand and work through it with you. If you keep lying, that will never count in your favorite.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com