i worry lots about a young lass out on her own at that time of night
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
my partner started going out a lot a couple of months ago and now goes out at least once a week. this isn't a problem but she always never comes home when she says she will. on friday she was meant to come home after the nightclub at 3.30am. i have told her that i worry lots about a young lass out on her own at that time of night, but she didnt come home. i waited until 9.30am for her to come home then i went to the phone to phone her (i had to wait that long as i my 4 year old son was sleeping ) and she was at her freinds house. needless to say she didnt arive in until 12.00am sat afternoon. what made it worse is that she went out really slutty i.e it was easter weekend and she went out with a VERY short skirt on and easter bunny ears and tail. i expressed my unease at her going out dressed like that ( i feel it gives the wrong impression ) but she still did it regarddless. she stayed in on saturday becaus eher cousin was staying with us. on sunday she left first thing and i asked her to b home for tea (it was easter and i wanted her to spend it with me and her son) she didnt arrive back in until 11pm sun night. when i asked her she said that she never said that she would be in at that time then changed it to that she said she MIGHT be back in for teatime. needless to say she broke up with me on monday saying she cant handle being a relationship and that she is a bitch to me. i came in from work and she told me straight away. she then left the house at 6pm and said she was just going for a walk to clear her head and would be back shortly. i waited until 8pm and decided to go phone and find out where she was. she said that she was at her cousins house, which is five miles away. i told her that i couldnt sit in the house on y own waiting for her and if that we had split up then i was moving down to my mums. she assured me that she was goingto leave on the next bus and that she wouldnt be long. i agreed to this and told her i would wait for her. needless to say i waited for over 2 hours before marching back up to the phonebox to find out where she was. she was still at her cousins. i asked her why she lyed she said ill b home soon. i told her i had waited long enough and was leaving. i heard voices and asked her who was there. she replied her cousin and his freinds. i imediantly assumeed the worst and accused her of cheating and she hung up on me and switched her phone off. i got a taxi that night to my mums and left her. today she came down for our son and we decided to go and talk. rather than go into long winded details i will now make a list of all my suspicions and whats causing them.
1) she has been speaking to a boy called kev on the chat for about 2 months, she always waits until i goto bed then she goes and chats with him. about 5 nights ago i asked her to come to bed to talk, she said she was going to watch the tv for 5 mins then would b through. i lay awak and waited for 30mins and she wasnt through so i went through to the lounge and suprise suprise she was speakingto this kev, i asked her why she would rather speak to him than come and sort out our relationship she replied that she thought i was sleeping and was only asking him a question abouther cousin marion, when i asked her how he knew her cousin marion ( i thought this was very strange ) she just replied "oh its a long story",
and that was that
2)when we were speaking today she said "marion dosent like laddies that do coke, she pushes the stuff off the table and I SAID to her you'll get us killed", i imediantlly reponded with, hows house were u at?" she replied "no i said that she would get killed if she did that to anyone i wasnt with her when that happened", im sorry but the two statments are completely diffrent.
3)her phone went and she walked away and left me, she came back 5 mins l8r and sayed that it was marion on the phone and that she didnt want to say in front of me that we had broke up. thats ok i suppose but she had no problem telling her freinds in fron t of me not half an hour before.
4)her constant staying out overnight until the next day, with crap excuses for not coming home, i.e no money for taxi. surley she should make it a priorty to keep taxi money. on friday she repeatdly sayed that she would leave money on the fire for her coming home so she would come home. on sat she said a) that she never said that, then b)she never had change. i said why didnt you just get a taxi home and ill pay at this end, she replied "i never thought"
5) and this is my biggest concern. toady i turned round out the blue and said, have you ever seen kev in the nightclub, she went red the anwsewred yes!, she said but only once or somthing and its not like that, i think hes ugly. whats once or somthing? either she met him once or more theres no somthing about it and she lied to me she never told me that she met him in the nightclub. y would she keep that from me unless she washiding somthing
theres other little stuff, lies etc ive picked up on but id be here forever going in to deatil. she has cheated before and the result of that was because i was upset and needed some time apart she imediantly slept with my freind the next night and went with him for 6 months even though i begged her back. becaus eof that i feel i know the signs.
i dont want to ruin any chance of staying with her because im so paranoid, i feel this is all my fault and that she is leaving me because i dont trust her. she keeps telling me that its for the best and that she is a bitch to me and dosnt deserve me. today she even said that she was more of a bitch than i knew, when i asked her why she said she just was. i cant do this anymore. its our five year anniverssary on fri and i really want to sort our life out. she says she still loves me and we have a son together so i dont want it to all fall apart for nothing. but no matter what i do i just keep going over everything in my head and im positive shes cheating. i now she'll never confess, i think she is too scared ofmy reaction.
please what will i do? do you think she may be cheating?
thankyou for taking the time to read this and any advice would be very gratefully recived. i feel so alone, so scared. ive got no freinds to speak to about this as i cut off my social circle to be with her. ive only got myself to go through this and i dont think i can.
In all honesty, this doesn't sound like a mature relationship. She seems like she is unable to accept the responsibilities of being a mother and a partner and you seem to have some issuses with jealousy (see http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/23682), but that is understandable.
You have some soul-searching to do, but I think the solution is obvious.
-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com