I have a big trust ...insecurity issue.
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am 21 and my boyfriend is 27 we have been dating for almost 3 years and it is serious. I have a problem though. I have a big trust ...insecurity issue. I had a bad relationship before and he was married and divorced and has a son so still sees his ex. We get along and part of me knoew (feels) like he will always have feelings for her but I can get over that. One day his e-mail wasn't working and I checked it for him and that was fine but then I got curious one day and checked it for no reason and found him talking to a girl I know he used to like. It ws kind of like innocent flirting and I don't think he would cheat but it hurt my feelings mostly because he has a problem saying his feelings or giving compliments to me but when he talks to this girl he always is so sweet and told her once she looked incredible, like always after she sent him her picture. That wouldn't have made me so upset if he would tell me stuff like all the time too but he doesn't. I have male friends that are attractive but I don't tell them things like that and then tell my boyfriend I don't like saying things liek that to him.. What do I do about this. I have been bettling itr forever and now I always find myself checking his mail to see if he is talking to her.
Fist off, if you have issues with jealousy, check out http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/23682.
Secondly, he will always be involved with his son's mother because he will always be involved with his son. That is a good father. The thing is that he keeps his boundaries with his ex.
In terms of the online fantasy, and that's what I think it is, that's his business until it impacts the relationship. The anonymity of the web allows him to express feelings that he may not be able to say in real life. I don't think it's a big issue unless he starts to contact her outside of the internet. It is just making him feel virile and expressive in ways he can't yet do in person.
PS Don't snoop! You wouldn't want him to do it to you!
-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com