Nervous at the Semi Formal

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
well last nite was our semi formal nite which is kind of like prom where u get all dressed up and wear nice clothes and stuff. i asked this girl that i liked to semi and she said yes. well at semi it didnt go to well. first off i was very nervous and im one of those ppl who dont dance and stuff like that. well when i met her parents they seemed really nice and caring but i didnt really talk much when i was there. and when her mom wanted to take pictures of us i ddint really show much affection toward my date because i thought that her mom would have been mad if i put my arms around her daughter. once we got to semi i kind of hung around my freinds for the nite and let her be with her friends becuz thats what i thought she wanted. i tried to be a good date but i couldnt becuz i fealt really shy and nervous when i was around her. so my question is how should i treat her so she knows i care about her and if u can, can u please tell me what i did wrong that nite. thank you lots!! Advice
It definitely sounds like you were nervous, but as her date, your responsibility was to be there for her and ask her if you intended on abandoning her for a while if it was OK. To take someone on a date and then just ditch them is a little cruel! People don't usually go on dates because they want to be abandoned.

So I would talk to her and apologize for leaving her alone, and explain that you were nervous. She was probably nervous too, and having you leave her like that probably hurt her self esteem. She wondered if something was wrong that you didn't want to be seen with her. So make sure she realizing it wasn't that *she* was wrong, it was just that you were nervous.

It's always more important to SHOW you care than to just talk about it. You need to make sure that she realizes the way you acted before was NOT a reflection of how you felt, and you should try again. I know you were nervous, but part of dating is taking a deep breath and putting your care of the other person over your own feelings. So even though you're nervous or scared, you have to think about how SHE is feeling (nervous and scared) and do things to make HER happy even if you're a bit scared to do it.

So ask her for another chance! Offer to take her to dinner or the movies or something and when you do, take the chance to show her how you feel. Be nice to her, talk to her, hold her hand. You might be nervous, but this is your chance to make her feel good and feel like she's appreciated. Hopefully things will go well from there!

-- from Jenn
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