In love with my best friend

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
My question is that I am desperatly in love with my best "guy" friend. And I want him sooo much but he doesn't want me right now (That's what he says). But the way that he treats me and talks to me makes me think that he wants me. How can I get him?? What can I do?? My Heart hurts so much and I can't sleep at night cause he is ALWAYS on my mind. Please Help Advice
This is really common. Great relationships are based on great friendships. And a lot of times, people are afraid of losing the friendship if they get into anything more. Which is a good thing in one sense, it means he really values your friendship and doesn't want to lose it. You might have scared him by trying to push him into more when he wasn't ready to risk your friendship you have.

Remember, it's quite fine to love a friend. Hopefully people who *are* in love are with their best friends so they do love their best friend already :) The only big difference between friends and lovers is that physical stuff, and really, as couples get older a lot of times that physical stuff fades anyway. The emotional love is far stronger and more powerful.

So a lot of your turmoil is in your mind and based on labels. Think of yourself as being in a chaste relationship with a guy you love. So you love him, and you get to talk to him all the time, and build up that level of comfort with him, and you probably already hug him hello and goodbye, right? So really, if you were a medieval maiden, you could be at your wedding day at this point, that *was* a full love right there ;) A relationship doesn't have to have sex involved to be very close.

So know that you care for him, that you two are a team in many ways, and really, that's a great deal. A lot of people dream of having that. Appreciate what you have, and continue to be friends and talk to him. Maybe as time goes on, his nervousness will ease as he realizes you're there for the long haul and won't pressure him. And if it stays the way it is, you have a great friend, and love, and that's something to treasure even if there isn't sex involved.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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