my girl transfered to an out of state college.

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Ok, I'm a 22 year old guy. My girlfriend and I have been going steady for just about 4 years now. About 9 months ago my girl transfered to an out of state college. It's been really tough, as I hear mostly long distance relationships are. Lately though it seems like our relationship has been really....blah. Whenever we talk on the phone the conversations don't usually last very long, she gives me questions and I answer them, but I usually don't really talk to her much. Whenever we talk on the phone it's more like we're just friends, you know? The usual "Hey how are you? What are you doing?" type conversations, I've run out of things to say basically. We visit each other every month and half or so, usually spending about a week together, before it's back to our regular routines. When we are together we go out, hang with friends, just spend time together. The romance isn't what it used to be either, it's more just a sexual relationship now. As for kissing, we don't really kiss as in making out kiss anymore. More like a goodnight type kiss.

I love to make her happy, it's something that makes me feel really good inside. There's nothing like suprising my girl with a bouquet of flowers, or watching her face as she opens a gift that I bought her.

Just recently, within the last month, I've been catching myself flirting with girls that are in my classes. I don't think I mean to, but it happens. I like the feeling of having someone close by, someone to hold. With my current girl I cannot do that. Also just recently I've found out that 80% of my friends have never liked my girlfriend. The truth of the matter is, is when we became a serious couple, I started spending less and less time with my friends and more and more time with my girl. It got to the point that I would spend 10-11 hours a day with this girl. At first it was great! But it started getting to the point where I missed haniging out with my friends. Since she's been gone to school for the last few months, I've been able to hanging out with my friends a lot again. I kind of dread her coming down because I know that we'll spend 10-11 hours a day together. Yet I really like spending time with her because I haven't seen her in a month and a half. I haven no clue what to do. Part of me wants to move to an open relationship, while she's out of state. She's definatly a great girl that I would like to continue dating, but there are also other girls that I may want to try dating as well. Please help, I'm so confused. Thank you. Advice
You want to have your cake and eat it too. Too bad, you can't. Long distance relationships are tough and they are even tougher the less committed you are (i.e. you aren't married to her). Best advice either have a friendly break-up and start dating at your school or grin and bear it.

By the way, it's ok that you are feeling lonely and want to be with someone. It's normal. You're just in a tough situation.

-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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