Taking a Break but He Won't Date Again
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Alright my guy i'm with at the moment we aren't together because we took a break last year. For the reason he didn't know what he wanted and he didn't want to hurt me while he was away at school.
Well he moved back and now we still talk and stuff he says we are just friends but his feelings for me have not changed any. But we are more the friends anymore its like we are basically kinda together well we are doing things like we did when we dated since we were 16 and now we both will be 21 this year.
Yeah I guess I need some advice here.
There are not set rules in a relationship. Some people who are 'casual friends' are fully intimate. Some people who are 'seriously dating' only hold hands. So what you call something shouldn't matter. It shouldn't matter if you say you are friends or dating or anything else ... what should matter is how you feel about each other and how you act towards each other.
It sounds like he is in essence treating you as his girlfriend, and caring for you - but he does not want to be monogamous. He wants to leave his options open so he can date other girls. If you're fine with an open relationship, this isn't a big deal. Lots of girls would be happy with this in their late teens / early 20s, to have a guy at their side but also be able to date other guys. It sounds like, though, that you are looking for something more permanent, to be monogamous with him and perhaps to marry and raise a family.
So you need to have a talk here. Sure you're "only" 21 and have many more years left in which you COULD start a family. But some women keep hoping and hoping something will work out, the years slip away, and suddenly they're 35 and their childbearing years are coming to an end. If you have a plan for your future, you need to be aware of it and make sure you don't miss out.
So tell him what you are wanting out of life. Ask him if he is wanting the same things. If HE wants a family - I doubt he wants to start it when he's 40!! He would be wanting to start it sometime soon too, so he is actually young enough to enjoy his kids and grandkids (and be alive for them!) If the end result is he just doesn't think that you are the person to whom he can dedicate his life, it is a sad thing of course, but it's important to know. There are MANY other guys out there that could be perfect for you. You can't make someone be a great match. You have to accept how they feel, and if they don't feel like things match, you have to find someone who does.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com