Jealousy is Destroying our Relationship

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for going on 5 months. We have DONE EVERYTHING. Im only 16 and i lost my virginty at the age of 15 (almost a year ago to this date) And my boyfriend is 18 and he is going to college in the fall. I love him and he loves me. Yet He doesnt trust me AT ALL! really, he doesnt. But, if either one of us shouldnt trust each other it should be me not being able to trust him. PLAIN AND SIMPLE!

I dont want to cry anymore but i love him too much to lose him. I just dont know if hes using me or not or if all he wanted from me was sex. Now trust me, we have had sex enough but, i went a month and a half with out doing anything with him to see what he would do, were still together now. I just want to know that He isnt the one gonna end up cheating on me because he feels as though i will cheat on him. And i tell him exactly how i feel about all this and i tell him i wont and will never cheat on you. Yet he thinks every guy i talk to i am in love with.....

i just dont understand what im supposed to think, or even do for that matter. HELP!?!?!?!!? Advice
Anyone who thinks jealousy is harmless and normal should read this story. Here you are, being a great girlfriend, loving your boyfriend, being faithful to him. But his insane jealousy which is all IN HIS HEAD is driving you crazy and could even cause you to break up with him. It's not real - it's imaginary - but his inability to trust you is destroying the relationship.

You can't fix him. He is an adult and should know MUCH better by now. And he's not going to just "get better". If he is so insecure about you, and unable to trust you, then as time goes on he's just going to get more and more certain in his belief that you're going to leave him.

So I highly recommend that you offer to go to therapy with him. Most colleges offer free people to talk to for these sorts of issues. Heck, most high schools do too. Tell him that you love him - but that love is about trust. If he can't trust you, he is undermining your relationship actively, every day. It is time for him to be a man about this, to stand up and take action to make this relationship work. If he is incapable of working on it, and cannot bring himself to trust him, then I would draw back and say he needs to learn this. You can't prove you are trustworthy. He has to learn to trust you, right now, before he goes to college and it gets even more difficult.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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