He Hides his Female Friends from Me
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been living together for over a year, we have know eachother for four years. He has a couple of ex-girlfriends that he still talks to on the phone. I told him that it bothers me because they never call the house, they only call his cell phone or send him e-mails.
We have been fighting over this for a couple of months and I told him the easy fix would be for them to call the house, then I would feel as if there was nothing to hide. I told him that I even wonder if they know he lives with me??? He has yet to give out the home number and if he calls them he erases the number off of his cell phone, he told me he does this because he doesn't want to fight with me over it. He states I have nothing to worry about, that he loves me and there are JUST his friends.
I am ten years older than him and he tells me its a generation thing, I don't think so. Please advise
This is definitely NOT a generation thing! For him to even play the generation card means that he thinks he can fool you "like a mommy" and play games with you. He's erasing their cell phone numbers to avoid getting into fights? Does that mean he lies to avoid getting into fights too? Is that his idea of a healthy relationship, to hide and sneak around to get your way?
You are completely 100% right here. Jealousy is never right in a relationship, it means someone is doing something unworthy of trust, or that someone is insecure and not trusting for no reason. In your case I vote highly for the first case. Why DON'T the girls call the house phone? The only answer is that he doesn't want them talking to you or where you can hear. Sure, they might call his cell phone if they need to chat at a time he isn't home. But he is deliberately keeping his 'flock of girls' life separate from you.
It's fine for men to have female friends and visa versa. It's very healthy! But for him to keep them as a gaggle of girls on the side that is separate from his life with you is quite unhealthy. If they are truly just platonic friends, they should call the house, say hi to you, and come over for dinner with all of you, like normal friends do. If he's willing to do that, then his friend claim is reasonable. If he's NOT willing to do those things, then he is NOT treating them like friends.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com