He's Lucky to Have Me
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I'm 23 years old and I'm currently living in Italy. I've been dating an Italian guy who is 33 since last january. He is very nice but there are a few things that are begging to piss me off. For starters I'm a good looking person but I don't shove that down people's throats like some girls do. My guy is ok looking, nothing special and he's beginning to lose his hair.
Anyhow what bothers me is that he acts as though I'm lucky to have him, which, I'm sorry is the other way round. When we go out together guys always approach me not vise versa. he's very willing to point out other pretty girls but not tell me I'm pretty...ever.
I don't get it, does he just feel inadaquate?
Yikes, a relationship should always be about two people who love each other and want to be with each other, and who see great value in each other. It shouldn't be about someone feeling the other person is "lucky to have them" - and it sounds like BOTH of you are trying to feel that way!
Sure, he's beginning to lose hair. Guys do that. I bet you're starting to sag, girls do that :) He will lose more hair, you will sag lower and lower.
You SHOULD feel lucky to have him if you're dating him! Dating someone is about being really happy to be with that person and being happy with him. He should feel lucky to have you too!
So it sounds like at least part of the problem is that both of you feel for whatever reasons that the other person isn't worthy of you. If that's the case, really, then maybe you should move on and find someone who you feel IS worthy of you!
But is the problem that you don't feel appreciated by your boyfriend? In that case you need to look at that problem because it is more solvable. Think about what your boyfriend is doing (or not doing) that concerns you. Let's say that when you go out together he never looks at you or talks to you. He's always looking elsewhere and talking to other people. Then talk to him about that. Not in an angry "fix this!" way but in a quiet "I love you and this behavior bothers me" way. If he does care for you, he would want you to be happy.
So really think about what is bothering you, and then talk to him. That's the critical part of relationships - being able to speak up when something is wrong, before it grows into a life-splitting problem.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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