I Like Her, She Likes Someone Else
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I am having a problem with the relationship between me and a close friend of mine. I have always had a crush on this girl since I have met her. She is 2 years younger than me (I am 21), but she likes a guy who lives over 3 hrs away; she hardly gets to see him, and he is 10 years older than her. She has told me that she doesn't want to be anything more than just friends with me, and her friendship does mean a whole lot to me, but I have trouble just letting go. I dont' know how to act around her now, but I dont' want her to think I'm trying to avoid her by staying away.
I would love to be able to just move on and the two of us just stay friends, but I can't help but to believe that there could be more between the two of us. I guess I am looking for any helpful advice as to what I should be doing about this. Please let me know what you think.
Stuck in Love.
She might like this other guy for the very reason that he's inaccessible - he's much older, he's far away, he rarely intrudes into her life. Some people are drawn to those kinds of relationships, where they are "safe" and don't have to risk very much.
But with you, there's a lot of risk. You're a great friend, you're close, you know her. You're right there in her life. So there are huge amounts of risks involved in her choosing to go with you.
You definitely can't make her choose. If you do, she'll always blame you for the decision. She needs to realize on her own that she can handle a real, in person, serious relationship. So you need to decide if you want to wait it out. For all you know, she'll never be ready for that. Some poeple just never settle down or marry. She might always be a drifter. I personally would probably stay friends with her but start to date other people too.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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Never give up