Do women want fast cars and fancy dressing guys?

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
You say that if you treat women as friends, relationships tend to follow through easily. But if you be nice and friendly with them, and treat them well, wouldn't they just only like you as "friends" and not be interested in something more than that, becuase with my experience, I am the polite, respectful type and have approached women as such, but still feel short. If they had a boyfriend,that was understandable, but otherwise it still never got the results that i wanted.

To tell you the truth i am desperate for a woman and am beginning to see dating as a difficult and only for those whom drive fancy cars, dress good and have money and status. Don't get me wrong, there are a few whom do like me, but it always seems that anytime a woman likes me, she never interests me. Whereas it seems that women i am interested in, i have to stuggle and work hard. As a result,i feel as if i have to make some changes to myself if i want to get a woman. What do i have to really do to be more successful with women because it is just so hard. Advice
Yes, there are certainly gold-diggers out there that go for money and looks. Those people exist in the male *and* female form. But the vast majority of women out there care about what a guy is really like. In fact, most women I know laugh at a guy in a fast car because they figure he's "making up for a deficiency." Car commercials make fun of that all the time.

Not that I believe much in the messages that TV and movies portray, but look at what many of them show as a 'good man to be with'. Yes, James Bond is in there. But he's a fantasty figure. Many shows have men in average clothes, with an average life, but who are caring and honest. Many of the longest-lasting relationships I know are between two people who didn't have a lot of money and had to struggle to be together, but are deeply in love and have lasted decades of marriage. Many women would much rather have a *comfortable* partner that they could snuggle with in the morning and go walking with in the afternoon over some high-maintenance guy in fancy clothes that doesn't want to get his shoes dirty.

If you're desperate for a woman, take a big step back. That very point could be driving people away. Dating is about a happy person wanting to share his/her life with another happy person. If a woman sees you and senses that you're "unhappy being lonely and want a woman - ANY woman" - she's not going to be attracted to that! You need to be happy first. Find friends, get hobbies, so things that please you. Make your world into a happy world, one you are content with. When you are content with yourself, you'll find that women see that and are interested in sharing in your contentment.

Finally, take a good look at these women who you can talk to and who you are friends with, and ask yourself what about them is so bad that you won't date them. The best relationships are all about dating your friends that you can talk with. They are NOT about dating women that you're intimidated by and try to put up a false front with. False front relationships don't work, but friendship relationships last a lifetime. Looks fade, but love lasts. You need to be sure that you're really setting your priorities straight and looking to date someone who loves *you* and loves talking with you ... not that you're looking to date a pretty face that you can 'trick' into wanting to be with you.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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