My Girlfriend Thinks I Only want Sex

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I don't know why but my girlfriend seems to think I just want to use her for sex. I don't know what I have done to make her think that because I never even try to do stuff with her. What can I do? Advice
It's probably not even you. Teenage girls are VERY sensitive about their bodies. They know that TV is bombarded with images of sexy women. TV is also bombarded with images of women being used and abused by men. She is going in a very short period of time from a 'girl that is protected' to a 'woman with body parts that are very obvious, that guys lust after'. That can be VERY scary for any girl to go through and they become incredibly self conscious about their bodies.

So your role as boyfriend is to try to be as supportive as possible. When she says she figures you only want her for sex, it's saying many things. First it's her insecurity, saying "You couldn't possibly like me for my personality or anything else. It has to be this body I have." Next it's her worry about her body changes, "I can't control it, my body is luring in guys and it's out of my control." It's the whole media image thing, that since you're a guy you must be uncontrollable raging hormones. Maybe her friends and family are warning her night and day to be careful.

So all you can do is listen to her and prove to her that you're her best friend that she can trust. Don't just brush off her concerns. Sit down with her and tell her the REAL reasons you care for her - her smile, her gentle nature, her laugh, whatever it is. And help her learn to believe in that. It's hard to trust someone, but trust is critical to any relationship. She's going to have to learn to trust you, and to trust in herself, if this is going to work. She has to believe that she is worthy of your affection.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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