My Girlfriend's Friend Hates Me

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I have been dating my girlfriend for 6 months and we are pretty serious ... especially for a high school relationship.

The only problem we face is my jealousy. I haven't cheated on her and I don't think she has cheated on me. The only problem is she has had this friend who happens to be a boy for alot longer than I have known her. But this guy who is just a "friend" is madly infatuated with my girlfriend, and even though she won't cheat on me, she spends time away from me to be with him sometimes. Plus he is extremely jealous of me and he "hates" me.

What I'm trying to say is...Should I be jealous of this Guy? Advice
Well, first, it's good that she has male friends. Girls should have guy friends and guys should have girl friends. It helps them get an even view on life.

But you're quite right that sometimes a "male friend" can be after more than that. A true friend should be supportive and encouraging. If this guy was a real friend to your girlfriend, he would be supporting her relationship with you and not intruding. He's jealous of you and hates you? Those aren't acts of a friend. Those are acts of a disgruntled guy with a crush who is probably actively working to undermine the relationship so he can have her all to himself. Not to get you even more paranoid than you already are ...

OK, so what to do. Telling her to stop seeing him won't work. It never does. Telling him to get lost won't work either, he already hates you. So you need to approach this carefully.

Sit down and have a quiet talk with her, I have advice on how to do that on the site. Tell her that you love her and value the relationship you have with her very highly. And that it concerns you that one of her 'good friends' is so hostile towards you. Friends of one person should ALWAYS be friends with the other. It's very unhealthy for a person to have friends that hate their partner, no matter what the sex is.

So tell her that you feel it's important for BOTH of you to spend time with him, that if he really is a friend, that he will value your girlfriend's happiness and agree to this. Explain that if this "friend" refuses and wants to stay in his position of hating you and only seeing her alone, that that really indicates that friendship is not his goal here.

Lots of girls have male friends. And those male friends hang out at the house with the couple and they all have fun together. It's time for this male "friend" of hers to show if he really IS a friend or if he's in this for other reasons. Either way you win. Either he gets to be a friend of both of yours and the jealousy and hatred subside ... or he sticks with his hatred and proves nicely to you both what his intentions are.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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